One of my biggest pet peeves is when a person asks me how I'm doing, and when I reply that I'm "fine" or "okay," the person immediately asks why I'm "just fine" or "just okay," as if there's something horrifically wrong if I'm not "SUPER DUPER!" or something. The reason for this is that when I'm doing "fine" or "okay," it's actually a very, very good thing.
I don't think I'm manic-depressive/bipolar or anything that extreme, but my emotional range tends to be, shall we say, kind of dramatic. When I'm happy, I'm not just happy, I'm OH-MY-GOSH-THIS-IS-THE-GREATEST-DAY-OF-MY-LIFE-CAN'T-YOU-JUST-SMELL-THE-SUNSHINE-AND-FEEL-THE-FLOWERS-AND-SEE-THE-BIRDS-SING-AND-HEAR-THE-RAINBOWS-WHY-CAN'T-I-JUST-BUY-EVERYONE-A-GAZBILLION-STRAWBERRY-SCENTED-PUPPIES sort of happy. When I'm sad, I'm not just sad, I'm I-HATE-EVERYTHING-SO-GO-AWAY-AND-JUST-LET-ME-LAY-IN-BED-ALL-DAY-AND-EAT-UNHEALTHY-FOOD-UNTIL-I-EXPLODE-TO-DEATH-AND-TAKE-THE-REST-OF-THIS-WRETCHED-WRETCHED-WORLD-OUT-WITH-ME sort of sad. The good thing about these emotional extremes is that they don't seem to last very long, and I can go from the depths of despair to the awesomest of happies within, oh, about ten minutes. So, I've learned not to rely on emotions a whole lot.
I try to aim for a nice even emotional state, which is what most people call "fine" or "okay." "Fine" and "okay" are safe. They don't depress anyone, nor do they scare people. So I aim for being fine, because someone as overly passionate as I am needs to be "just okay" sometimes. Or most of the time.
I've also learned that I need to keep a pretty close watch on my hobbies and interests. Since I do have a tendency to be overly passionate, I rarely just like things. I become obsessed with them. Since I've been obsessed with quite a few things, I'm going to split this SAA Episode into two or three (or possibly four) parts. For the remainder of this part, I'm going to talk about one of my biggest obsessions.
Most of my obsessions are food related, and I'm actually pretty convinced I have a food addiction. Please understand, I'm not making light of eating disorders. I was a psychology minor, so I am well aware that eating disorders can be very serious. I think I might even have a minor compulsive overeating problem. So when I say that I have a food addiction, I'm being serious. It's something I've struggled with my whole life (when I was a teenager, I used to eat until I was full and then go take alka-seltzer so I could burp and eat some more...which is really sick, now that I think about it). It's just that I tend to see the humor in everything, which includes my own personal eating habits. I'm not picking on anyone here besides myself.
And I find it slightly ironic that with food addictions, you can't just go cold turkey (unless that means you're on some kind of weird cold turkey diet). With drug or alcohol addictions, a person who overcomes the addiction often must completely abstain from the drug or alcohol. You can't do that with food. If you stop eating, you eventually die. So I've had to be super-disciplined in my eating habits, and that's hard.
Cuz I like food.
I think my top ten food obsessions are as follows (in no particular order):
1) Chocolate. If I have to explain why, then you'll never understand.
2) White Tic Tacs. I've managed to cut back to about 2 packs a week. I keep these in the car and eat about twenty of them when I come to a red light. I've often wondered if other drivers get concerned when they see me popping these little white pill shaped objects. It probably does look suspicious, but I can't help myself. I just can't get enough of their minty goodness. They're even better in the spring/summer months because when they heat up in my car, it brings out this amazing warm vanilla flavor that contrasts just perfectly with the cool mint. Shut the front door! They're amazing. Plus, I have fresh mint breath ALL the time.
3) Cookies. Again, if I have to explain why, then you'll never understand.
4) Cupcakes. See 1 and 3.
5) Autumn Mix. Oh, sweet Moses! It's a good thing this stuff only comes out in the autumn, or I'd be a much fatter person. There's something oddly addictive about the little white, yellow, and orange candy corns combined with the brown and orange candy corns that taste as if they once brushed up against something that might have been made out of a vaguely chocolatey substance. Add in those sugar-coma inducing mallowcreme pumpkins, and you've got a recipe for made-with-real-honey (really, is that the healthiest claim you can make?) amazingness.
6) Pasta. This. This is the reason I could never go low-carb. I'm not a huge bread eater. I'm not big on cereal. But I have to have my pasta, or I will hurt someone.
7) Cheese. Is life without cheese even worth living? Sometimes I think about how much I like cheese, and it makes me want to cry tears of joy. Thank you, whoever thought of making something tasty out of old milk.
8) Raspberries/Blueberries. Raspberries were my favorite berry for years, but now they actually are tied with blueberries. The fact that I have a favorite berry competition going on in my head should tell you something about me. I'm not sure what it should tell you, but it should tell you something.
9) Ice cream. See 1, 3, and 4. And 9. I think my favorite kind is Neapolitan b/c you get three, three, three flavors in one!
10) Pumpkin Pie. Include this one with numbers 3 and 5, and you might have an idea as to why I typically gain 10 pounds near Thanksgiving and Christmas. I think pumpkin pie is my favorite dessert--even if you consider all the desserts made from chocolate. Seriously. A nice chilled piece of pumpkin pie with a huge dollop of Cool Whip might be the closest thing to heaven on earth. It's so good, it'll make you wanna slap your mama.
And lest you think I'm done, my honorable mentions for food obsessions include: toast (I'm not a huge bread fan, but burning bread makes it taste a kazmillion times better. I don't know why, but it does), sunflower seeds, Greek yogurt, Rice Krispies Treats, tomatoes, oatmeal creme pies, Quaker Life Bars (they call them Life bars b/c you can live off them...and b/c they're made from Life cereal), Cream Cheese, green beans, dill pickles (I'm pretty sure I once ate a whole jar of these in my sleep), rockamole, peanut butter, white chocolate covered pretzels, muffins, cilantro (what do you mean I'm not supposed to put it in EVERYTHING??), Krispy Kreme Raspberry Jelly Filled Donuts, grilled chicken, Goldfish Colors! (I'm dead serious--the natural dye (beet juice) they use in the purple goldfish makes them taste even better than the boring gold goldfish), gingersnaps, s'mores, pizza, green olives, mushrooms, pita chips and hummus, dried fruit, applesauce, turkey bacon, jalepeno cheddar poppers, Nutella, key lime pie (...or any kind of pie, really), almonds, and of course, Swiss Cake Rolls.
...to be continued.
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