SAA Ep. #68: Many Mes

I've heard it said that everyone has a twin.  Me?  Apparently, I have a lot of them.  I've had strangers come up to me just to tell me that I look like their neighbor's sister's cousin.  I guess I just have "one of those faces."

But I've also been told that I look like certain celebrities.  Maybe those celebrities just have "one of those faces," too.  I don't know.  But the problem with looking like so many different people is that it kind of makes me have a little bit of an identity crisis.  I mean, there's me...but then there's this other person who kind of looks like me.  It's like there are different versions of me walking around.

See, there's me...

The original.  Accept no substitutes.

And then there's the child actress from a beloved 80's science fiction movie, turned drug addict, turned beloved grown-up actress/director, turned Cover Girl model version of me...



Lots of people have told me that I look like Drew Barrymore,
although I haven't gotten it as much in the past few years. 
Personally, I don't see the resemblance, but I'll take it as a compliment.



...and there's the snarky Star Trek Captain version of me...



My real-life mom was the first one to notice my resemblance to
Captain Kathryn Janeway of the Federation Starship Voyager,
which I find ironic, since Janeway could TOTALLY be my Space Mom. 
This, of course, begs the question: Who is my Space Stepdad?

...and then there's the gorgeous red-haired version of me (don't I wish)...



Ok, I have to be honest. 
Only one person has told me I look like Julianne Moore, but it counts! 
I don't really look like her (even when I had red hair),
but a girl can dream.

 ...and then there's the animated rodent version of me...

The resemblance is uncanny.

...and then there's the Middle Earth version of me...

Somehow...Medieval princess hair just isn't as affective when one is wearing a t-shirt....





...and then there's the Hogwarts version of me...

Ok, so no one has ever told me I look like Emma Watson--because I don't.  At all.
But I was Hermione for Halloween one year.



...and the OTHER Hogwarts version of me...



I actually have been told that I look like her.  I'll take it.  I think she's adorable.

...but let's face it...this is the REAL Hogwarts version of me...

...I think I definitely have The Grim....

...and I don't even know what to call this version of me...

It's okay.  We're both pretty fabulous.

...and then there's this...

...after a Dragon and his girl are together for a while, they start to look alike...

...and, of course, Socially Awkward Girl even has a look alike when she's in disguise...





How many versions of you are there??

SAA Ep. #59: Something Wrong With The Universe

Sometimes, I'll be watching tv or reading a magazine, and I'll see a model.  A gorgeous female model.  Naturally thin and well-built.  Beautiful hair, eyes, smile.  Perfect (TAN) skin.  And I think to myself, "Self, you could never be her."

To many people, this would seem like an obvious statement.  I'm a lot thinner than I used to be, but I can barely squeeze into my size six jeans--which isn't model thin.  I'm not naturally thin, and I happen to like, you know, eating food, so being a size two or less isn't going to happen to me in this lifetime.  Maybe if I'm a rotting corpse I can fit into some skinny jeans...but I don't think I'd be model material then, either.  And you know, maybe even as a corpse I wouldn't be super thin, because the good Lord saw fit to give me abundant birthing hips (AND a strong desire to never physically have children--just for laughs). 

Despite my aversion to becoming an anorexic, I am also well aware that I'm not pretty enough to be a model.  Don't get me wrong--I'm vain.  I like the way I look.  I just don't look like a supermodel.  My eyes have dark circles.  I have adult acne.  My hair has a mind of it's own, and this mind doesn't like me.  I'm pale enough to be related to Frosty the Snowman.  I'm no model. 

Plus, I don't know how to smile for cameras.  I always look like I'm afraid of the camera.  Maybe I was Amish in another life.  ...never mind the fact that I don't believe in predestination.  ...nor do the Amish....

So anyway, I look at these models and realize that I could never be them.  The reason isn't because of the way I look compared to them.  The reason is because I have always kind of figured that there's something wrong with me.

I went through pretty much my entire life thinking, "There's something wrong with me."  It could have been because the kids liked to gang up on me and throw dodge balls at me during recess...when we weren't even playing dodge ball.  It could be because I used to collect toothpicks.  It could be because I still pride myself on my insane ability to make animal noises.  Idk.  I just know that I didn't really snap out of this mentality until I was well into my twenties.

Then, I developed this theory that there was just something wrong with everybody.  And I still think there's a lot of truth to that.  I'm reminded of an episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation, which was my favorite show until very recently, when it was replaced by Psych.  I still love you, ST:TNG, but your 80's-90's awesomeness is no comparison to a show that makes fun of 80's-90's awesomeness...with a fake psychic.  I am forced to pause here and consider whether or not the fact that I like Star Trek: The Next Generation so much means that there is something wrong with me.  Probably.  Let's move on.

In this episode, Dr. Beverly Crusher is sucked into some kind of cool alternate universe, which is collapsing.  People keep disappearing, and it's as if they never existed.  She thinks she's going crazy.  Eventually, the universe collapses almost completely, and she's all alone in a universe that's only a few meters wide.  And she says something pretty incredible: "If there's not something wrong with me, maybe there's something wrong with the universe." (Just to put your mind at ease, she is rescued and the universe doesn't eat her.)

So after I got over the idea that there was something wrong with me, I think I figured that there was something wrong with the universe.  Me?  I was just another abnormal person in an abnormal world.  But then, I started looking at supermodels.  I started looking at people who have successful, normal lives.  And I think--how does a person do normal things?  How does a person live a normal life?  Is it, perchance, because these are normal people?  I mean, how does a supermodel become a supermodel?  Does she wake up one day and say, "I'm awesome.  I'm going to go be a supermodel."  Me?  Even if I looked like a supermodel, I have a feeling I'd never be able to say, "I'm awesome.  I'm going to go be a supermodel."  I'd probably say, "Man, I'm hungry.  I'm going to go eat a beef steak."

So, maybe the universe is fine, and maybe there really is just something wrong with me.  And that's okay.  I'm not a supermodel.  I'm a socially awkward superhero.

So, every morning, I get to wake up and say, "I'm going to go save the world!  ...after a nutritious breakfast.  ...and some makeup, because I'm vain.  ...and maybe a tic tac.  ...and lots of coffee.  ...oh, look, a birdie.  ...kumquat is a funny word."