Stoplights are probably some of the most interesting things ever invented, and they were invented by a black guy (from central KY, because people from central KY are awesome). History is full of intelligent black men and women who have done some amazing things. I also happen to know several hardworking black men and women who are upstanding citizens with amazing families. So don't think I'm being racist when I speak of the stereotypical black guy who seems to be at every stoplight I encounter.
He drives some kind of souped up hooptie car. I'm not even sure if that's how you spell hooptie, but that's what I'm going with. He's wearing a muscle shirt and/or wifebeater. His hair is either in awesome dreads or covered up with some kind of doo-rag...sometimes both at the same time. His windows are rolled down. His license plate says something like, "GNGSTALV." Oh, and he's playing his angry rap shouting music so loudly that every car at the stoplight is shaking in time with its obnoxious vibrations.
And maybe I'm not speaking for everyone, but I think that a very small part of most of the other people at that stoplight wishes they could be as cool as stereotypical black guy.
As a hopelessly white girl, there's no way I could ever be as cool as stereotypical black guy. I wish I could say that that kept me from trying.
I drive a Taurus. There's nothing hooptie about a Taurus. I mean, despite the sunroof and spoiler on the back, my car still screams "SOCCER MOM!" I have entertained the idea of getting a vanity plate, but I've got some personal convictions about spending $30 bucks a year just so people will be able to sit at stoplights and puzzle over the meaning of the cutesy saying I've legally plastered to the back of my car. But if I did get a vanity plate, it wouldn't say anything cool with the word "GNGSTA." I know what it would say. It would say "BADHIPPY." The reason it would say "BADHIPPY" is because I am, in fact, a bad hippy. And I am a bad hippy not because I'm a hippy that has been naughty, but because I'm a hippy, and I'm very bad at it.
But since the NC DMV only allows eight letters on their vanity plates, I can't get a vanity plate that says, "I'm a bad hippy because I'm a hippy, and I'm bad at it." So I can see a vanity plate that says, "BADHIPPY" leading to all sorts of misunderstandings.
Some people might assume that I'm a naughty hippy who likes to protest war and smoke various substances and do all the things that naughty hippies do. That's not the case. The very reason that I am a bad hippy is because I don't do all the things that hippies are supposed to do. I mean, for one thing, I take showers every day. But people who read my vanity plate wouldn't know that, and they might hate me for being an unpatriotic pothead, which isn't the case.
Then, on the other hand, I can see some actual hippies reading my actual vanity plate, and they might assume that I'm insulting hippies. If my car were parked somewhere--let's just say the Wal-mart parking lot--and some hippies saw my vanity plate and were offended, they'd probably call up all their hippy friends. So when I left Wal-mart to return to my car, there would be a full blown hippy protest party going on on top of my car. Hmm...on second thought...that might be pretty amazing....
But even if I did have a cool vanity plate that led to spontaneous hippy parties, I still would not be as cool as stereotypical black guy.
I do like to roll my windows down when the weather is nice. Lately, the temperatures have been near or over 100 degrees here, so I've actually used my common sense and utilized my car's air conditioner. But when the weather is closer to 60-80 degrees, I'll roll the windows down. I have several reasons for this. 1) I really like the feel of the wind on my face and in my hair. I'm a bad hippy, after all. 2) Despite all the google articles I've read that state the contrary, I really do feel that I'm getting better gas mileage if I don't use the air conditioning. 3) I like being obnoxious and blasting my music for everyone to hear it.
Only, I don't like rap music. I don't even like what's popular on the radio these days. I listen to Christian radio. And most of the cds I listen to are also Christian artists. The ones that aren't Christian artists are artists that are closer to my grandfather's age than they are to mine. The ones that are Christian artists are either dead or so obscure that even other people who listen to Christian radio haven't even heard of them. So if you happen to drive up beside me at a stoplight and we both have our windows down, you might just be treated to some Rich Mullins. So instead of hearing some obnoxiously loud reverberating cool rap, you're gonna hear some obnoxiously loud hammered dulcimer. Oh yeah. I'm awesome.
Maybe I should just get some dreads.
No comments:
Post a Comment