Sometimes I feel really bad for guys--especially in the South. I mean, up North in Yankeeville (and in border states like KY, where I am from originally), guys aren't always expected to hold open doors or show courtesy to women-folk. But down here where I live, it's generally expected for guys to show a certain amount of courtesy to females. This includes opening doors and stepping aside to let them pass. Some guys like to call this chivalry, and I'm learning to just go ahead and let them. I mean, if you want to get technical, that whole Courtly Love thing and Chivalric code has little to do with guys opening doors for girls, but that's what people mean today when they say chivalry. They mean guys opening doors for girls (and guys just generally being polite to girls). Never you mind that if a girl opened a door for another girl, it would just be called common courtesy and not "chivalry." Never you mind that a door isn't a Dragon, and by opening it a guy is not slaying it. But I digress.... I have door issues.
But I feel bad for guys because sometimes they just really don't know what to do. Even where I live, in the South, there are a lot of transplanted Yankees (yes, we call them that...sometimes...while we're running around barefoot chewing on grass and playing washboards in our jug bands). So a poor guy might try to be nice and open a door for a female, as is usually expected, and in return for his kindness, he might get a lecture.
I'm not a feminist. I don't have a problem with a guy holding a door for me, as long as he's not all smug about it. Because, as I mentioned before, a guy holding a door for me is polite, but it's not comparable to him slaying a Dragon. If he expects more congratulations than a simple thank you, then he deserves a lecture.
I think I'm feeling sorrier for guys right now because I've had a couple awkward moments lately. Both were in the grocery store. Ok, so technically speaking, they were both in Wal-mart, my home away from home.
I was weaving my way through the aisles in our newly renovated Wal-mart. That's right. The Wal-mart I used to know backwards and forwards has been drastically changed so that I actually have to THINK when I shop. I was trying to find the handsoap. That sounds like an easy task, right? Yeah, but for no apparent reason, the Wal-mart gods decided the handsoap would be better located on the opposite side of the aisle. So I had to wander about aimlessly to try and find it.
When I finally realized where the soap probably was, I tried to turn around. But my quest was again thwarted. A man with a large grocery cart blocked the aisle I needed to enter. He stood there, smiling, and said, "Go ahead." I tried to explain that I needed right where he was, but he persisted in a gentlemanly fashion, "Please, go ahead. I'm only going one aisle over. I don't mind waiting for you."
"Um, I kind of need right where you are," I said, trying not to be rude about it. But there really wasn't a way to let the guy save face. He got out of my way, scowling--not at me, I don't think, but at himself. Some guys take that fake chivalry thing pretty seriously.
The other situation was similar, but much more fun.
I was trying to get something out of the freezer section. This guy moved over, thinking he was giving me access to what I wanted. Instead, he blocked the very door I needed. And he stood there. Grinning. Obviously proud of himself for completing what he considered to be a chivalric gesture.
Again, I had to attempt to not be rude when I said, "Um, I kind of need right where you are."
This guy didn't scowl. Instead, he played it off rather humorously. "D'oh! Chivalry fail!" he exclaimed, and jumped out of my way, making a grandiose sweeping gesture with his arms.
I didn't bother correcting him (allowing me access to the frozen pizza didn't technically count as chivalry) because it was so stinkin' funny. And for once I actually had something cute to say in reply. "It's okay. You still get brownie points for trying."
And then his girlfriend came and gave me a dirty look and dragged the knight in shining sports jersey and baggy jeans away.
And then a fire-breathing Dragon appeared out of nowhere and went on a rampage down the bread aisle, and I was gallantly rescued by a handsome prince steering a shimmering grocery cart. And he swooped me up and carried me to the check out lane, where we purchased our delicious ware and lived happily ever after.
I might have made that last part up.
Showing posts with label grocery stores. Show all posts
Showing posts with label grocery stores. Show all posts
Monday, July 25, 2011
Friday, May 20, 2011
SAA Ep. #32 Shopping for Awkwardness
There are two places that I normally shop for all my groceries. Wal-mart and Target. Both of them Super. Now, it's true that I will occasionally visit a Lowe's for a half gallon of milk or something, but I generally stick to the Super Target and Super Wal-mart--because they're Super!
Wait. Let me pause to explain something for anyone who doesn't live where I live, because the last sentence of my first paragraph might not make too much sense. When I first moved here, someone told me they were going to Lowe's to get some milk. I was like, "Since when do home improvement stores sell milk? Are you drinking white paint without your knowledge?" See, everywhere else I've lived, Lowe's has been a home improvement store. I think my dad used to have an affair with that store...but that's neither here nor there.
The thing is, where I live now, there are places known as "Lowe's Foods." There are lots of them. In fact, there are at least two Lowe's Foods on the way home from two of my jobs. I literally cannot drive home from work without passing at least two of these grocery stores...and I live within 20 minutes of where I work. So sometimes it's just more convenient for me to run into a Lowe's to get a half gallon of paint...or milk...or whatever. We also have a Lowe's home improvement store, which has added to all of the confusion--especially when I try to give people directions.
I'm not very good at giving people directions.
Well, there are several other places where I can buy groceries in this area. There are Food Lions and Aldis and Krogers, oh my! There's also this really uber expensive grocery store that caters to those I like to refer to as "Grocery Snobs." This grocery store is called Harris Teeter. I've probably only set foot inside a Harris Teeter like...twice, even though there are THREE Harris Teeters within a five minute drive from where I live.
One of my excursions to Harris Teeter was this week. They've got this triple coupon thing going on all week. I was thinking...hmm. I have coupons. Hmm. I could have them tripled. Hmm. I could save money like those "Coupon Snobs."
Turns out, I didn't do my research. They're only offering that coupon tripling thing on coupons with a face value of 99 cents. The vast majority of my coupons were for $1.00. That 1 freakin' cent is what got me. The few coupons I did have for under $1.00 were already expired...because I fail at shopping.
Add to this disaster was the fact that Harris Teeter is just like the Taj Mahal of grocery stores. I don't belong in the Taj Mahal of grocery stores. I belong at Wal-mart. I seriously wandered aimlessly around the aisles like a lost puppy. See, I can navigate Wal-mart like a pro. I'm almost as good at finding my way around Target (I just get confused because they don't have an official craft section, so what's a girl to do when she NEEDS glitter glue?!). But at Harris Teeter, I kept having to look at those little "aisle guides" like an amateur. I never could find the peanut butter...not that I needed it, but that store was totally freaking me out, and peanut butter felt safe.
And the "Grocery Snobs" and "Coupon Snobs"?? They knew it. They could smell my newbie-ness. They knew I didn't belong there. They were all getting their 99 cents or less coupons tripled, or else they were so rich they didn't have to care about saving money. I'll bet they even knew where the peanut butter was...if a store that hoity-toity even has peanut butter...which I'm starting to doubt.
Okay, so apparently they do. But it's that ostentatious peanut butter...the organic kind...with organic Valencia peanuts.
I found out they do have pickles, and they weren't THAT expensive. And I thought, eh, what the heck? I could go for some pickles. Then one way or another, I mysteriously found myself in the ice cream aisle (funny how that ALWAYS seems to happen).
I figured that ice cream at Harris Teeter would cost me a literal arm and leg, which might mean it was the only ice cream in the world that would actually help me LOSE weight. But to my surprise, the Harris Teeter "brand" non-ostentatious ice cream was only about $2.50. $2.50 for ice cream is a good deal. And it was even "light" ice cream, so I bought some.
Then came time to pay for my stuff. This was confusing to me. I didn't have a cart; I was carrying a basket. And I didn't see anywhere to put said basket. Even the checkout lanes mocked me. So I just awkwardly stood in line holding my basket, letting the "Grocery Snobs" in line ahead of me think their nasty nasty thoughts about me.
Fortunately, I was saved by a dashing cashier who informed me that his line was empty. I must not have noticed because the social awkwardness was making me hyperventilate. The cashier took my basket from me so I didn't have to worry about it. I appreciated that.
He also noted that I didn't have a VIC card (one of those cards that grocery stores give out to make you think you're saving money, when all along the stuff you're buying is cheaper at Wal-mart WITHOUT any kind of special card) and offered to just give me the VIC card discount on the stuff anyway. Then he noticed what I was buying.
Pickles.
And.
Ice Cream.
Dude totally thought I was pregnant.
Some people have mad coupon skills. I am not one of them. From now on, I'm sticking with what I know. Wal-mart and Target.
Super.
Wait. Let me pause to explain something for anyone who doesn't live where I live, because the last sentence of my first paragraph might not make too much sense. When I first moved here, someone told me they were going to Lowe's to get some milk. I was like, "Since when do home improvement stores sell milk? Are you drinking white paint without your knowledge?" See, everywhere else I've lived, Lowe's has been a home improvement store. I think my dad used to have an affair with that store...but that's neither here nor there.
The thing is, where I live now, there are places known as "Lowe's Foods." There are lots of them. In fact, there are at least two Lowe's Foods on the way home from two of my jobs. I literally cannot drive home from work without passing at least two of these grocery stores...and I live within 20 minutes of where I work. So sometimes it's just more convenient for me to run into a Lowe's to get a half gallon of paint...or milk...or whatever. We also have a Lowe's home improvement store, which has added to all of the confusion--especially when I try to give people directions.
I'm not very good at giving people directions.
Well, there are several other places where I can buy groceries in this area. There are Food Lions and Aldis and Krogers, oh my! There's also this really uber expensive grocery store that caters to those I like to refer to as "Grocery Snobs." This grocery store is called Harris Teeter. I've probably only set foot inside a Harris Teeter like...twice, even though there are THREE Harris Teeters within a five minute drive from where I live.
One of my excursions to Harris Teeter was this week. They've got this triple coupon thing going on all week. I was thinking...hmm. I have coupons. Hmm. I could have them tripled. Hmm. I could save money like those "Coupon Snobs."
Turns out, I didn't do my research. They're only offering that coupon tripling thing on coupons with a face value of 99 cents. The vast majority of my coupons were for $1.00. That 1 freakin' cent is what got me. The few coupons I did have for under $1.00 were already expired...because I fail at shopping.
Add to this disaster was the fact that Harris Teeter is just like the Taj Mahal of grocery stores. I don't belong in the Taj Mahal of grocery stores. I belong at Wal-mart. I seriously wandered aimlessly around the aisles like a lost puppy. See, I can navigate Wal-mart like a pro. I'm almost as good at finding my way around Target (I just get confused because they don't have an official craft section, so what's a girl to do when she NEEDS glitter glue?!). But at Harris Teeter, I kept having to look at those little "aisle guides" like an amateur. I never could find the peanut butter...not that I needed it, but that store was totally freaking me out, and peanut butter felt safe.
And the "Grocery Snobs" and "Coupon Snobs"?? They knew it. They could smell my newbie-ness. They knew I didn't belong there. They were all getting their 99 cents or less coupons tripled, or else they were so rich they didn't have to care about saving money. I'll bet they even knew where the peanut butter was...if a store that hoity-toity even has peanut butter...which I'm starting to doubt.
Okay, so apparently they do. But it's that ostentatious peanut butter...the organic kind...with organic Valencia peanuts.
 |
| CURSE YOU HARRIS TEETER! YOU MOCK ME WITH YOUR OSTENTATIOUS PEANUT BUTTER! |
I found out they do have pickles, and they weren't THAT expensive. And I thought, eh, what the heck? I could go for some pickles. Then one way or another, I mysteriously found myself in the ice cream aisle (funny how that ALWAYS seems to happen).
I figured that ice cream at Harris Teeter would cost me a literal arm and leg, which might mean it was the only ice cream in the world that would actually help me LOSE weight. But to my surprise, the Harris Teeter "brand" non-ostentatious ice cream was only about $2.50. $2.50 for ice cream is a good deal. And it was even "light" ice cream, so I bought some.
Then came time to pay for my stuff. This was confusing to me. I didn't have a cart; I was carrying a basket. And I didn't see anywhere to put said basket. Even the checkout lanes mocked me. So I just awkwardly stood in line holding my basket, letting the "Grocery Snobs" in line ahead of me think their nasty nasty thoughts about me.
Fortunately, I was saved by a dashing cashier who informed me that his line was empty. I must not have noticed because the social awkwardness was making me hyperventilate. The cashier took my basket from me so I didn't have to worry about it. I appreciated that.
He also noted that I didn't have a VIC card (one of those cards that grocery stores give out to make you think you're saving money, when all along the stuff you're buying is cheaper at Wal-mart WITHOUT any kind of special card) and offered to just give me the VIC card discount on the stuff anyway. Then he noticed what I was buying.
Pickles.
And.
Ice Cream.
Dude totally thought I was pregnant.
Some people have mad coupon skills. I am not one of them. From now on, I'm sticking with what I know. Wal-mart and Target.
Super.
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