SAA Ep. #43: Chivalry Fails

Sometimes I feel really bad for guys--especially in the South.  I mean, up North in Yankeeville (and in border states like KY, where I am from originally), guys aren't always expected to hold open doors or show courtesy to women-folk.  But down here where I live, it's generally expected for guys to show a certain amount of courtesy to females.  This includes opening doors and stepping aside to let them pass.  Some guys like to call this chivalry, and I'm learning to just go ahead and let them.  I mean, if you want to get technical, that whole Courtly Love thing and Chivalric code has little to do with guys opening doors for girls, but that's what people mean today when they say chivalry.  They mean guys opening doors for girls (and guys just generally being polite to girls).  Never you mind that if a girl opened a door for another girl, it would just be called common courtesy and not "chivalry."  Never you mind that a door isn't a Dragon, and by opening it a guy is not slaying it.  But I digress....  I have door issues.

But I feel bad for guys because sometimes they just really don't know what to do.  Even where I live, in the South, there are a lot of transplanted Yankees (yes, we call them that...sometimes...while we're running around barefoot chewing on grass and playing washboards in our jug bands).  So a poor guy might try to be nice and open a door for a female, as is usually expected, and in return for his kindness, he might get a lecture. 

I'm not a feminist.  I don't have a problem with a guy holding a door for me, as long as he's not all smug about it.  Because, as I mentioned before, a guy holding a door for me is polite, but it's not comparable to him slaying a Dragon.  If he expects more congratulations than a simple thank you, then he deserves a lecture.

I think I'm feeling sorrier for guys right now because I've had a couple awkward moments lately.  Both were in the grocery store.  Ok, so technically speaking, they were both in Wal-mart, my home away from home.

I was weaving my way through the aisles in our newly renovated Wal-mart.  That's right.  The Wal-mart I used to know backwards and forwards has been drastically changed so that I actually have to THINK when I shop.  I was trying to find the handsoap.  That sounds like an easy task, right?  Yeah, but for no apparent reason, the Wal-mart gods decided the handsoap would be better located on the opposite side of the aisle.  So I had to wander about aimlessly to try and find it. 

When I finally realized where the soap probably was, I tried to turn around.  But my quest was again thwarted.  A man with a large grocery cart blocked the aisle I needed to enter.  He stood there, smiling, and said, "Go ahead."  I tried to explain that I needed right where he was, but he persisted in a gentlemanly fashion, "Please, go ahead.  I'm only going one aisle over.  I don't mind waiting for you."

"Um, I kind of need right where you are," I said, trying not to be rude about it.  But there really wasn't a way to let the guy save face.  He got out of my way, scowling--not at me, I don't think, but at himself.  Some guys take that fake chivalry thing pretty seriously.

The other situation was similar, but much more fun.

I was trying to get something out of the freezer section.  This guy moved over, thinking he was giving me access to what I wanted.  Instead, he blocked the very door I needed.  And he stood there.  Grinning.  Obviously proud of himself for completing what he considered to be a chivalric gesture.

Again, I had to attempt to not be rude when I said, "Um, I kind of need right where you are."

This guy didn't scowl.  Instead, he played it off rather humorously.  "D'oh!  Chivalry fail!" he exclaimed, and jumped out of my way, making a grandiose sweeping gesture with his arms. 

I didn't bother correcting him (allowing me access to the frozen pizza didn't technically count as chivalry) because it was so stinkin' funny.  And for once I actually had something cute to say in reply.  "It's okay.  You still get brownie points for trying." 

And then his girlfriend came and gave me a dirty look and dragged the knight in shining sports jersey and baggy jeans away.

And then a fire-breathing Dragon appeared out of nowhere and went on a rampage down the bread aisle, and I was gallantly  rescued by a handsome prince steering a shimmering grocery cart.  And he swooped me up and carried me to the check out lane, where we purchased our delicious ware and lived happily ever after. 

I might have made that last part up.