SAA Ep. #75: The Scariest Thing About My Weekend

There are many things that scare me. Spiders. Check. Snakes. Double check. Clowns. INFINITY check.

Basically, the greatest horror movie of all time would be about a creepy rodeo clown riding on the back of a giant spider and using a big ol' snake as his lasso. Seriously, you can thank me for the nightmares you'll have later on tonight.

But my scary weekend had nothing to do with clowns or snakes. There were a few spiders...and centipedes, but none of them were particularly scary. The only thing really scary about them was that I kept hearing high school aged kids say things like, "Ooh! A centipede! I'll pay you a dollar if you eat it!"

As scary as that was, it could have been worse. It could have been much, much worse. After hearing such an offer, I began silently praying I wouldn't hear an even scarier counter-offer:

"Make it TWO dollars, and we've got a deal!"

But no one said that, at least not to my knowledge....

Yes, I spent my weekend with something much scarier than spiders, snakes, or even clowns. I spent my weekend with...

YOUNG ADULTS!

THE HORRRRRROR!

Last Saturday, I was at work, minding my own business, not knowing the terror that awaited. Because at church Sunday morning, the youth pastor announced they were still short a couple of workers for a weekend-long youth event known as Disciple Now. And since I didn't have to work the following Saturday (which is now the previous Saturday...I know, I'm confused, too), I figured I might as well do something useful.

The problem? I work mostly with preschoolers and elementary school aged kids. High schoolers are a-whole-nother thing. I don't know nuttin bout leadin no high schoolers! And being a socially awkward individual, I must admit I was more than a little intimidated by those sweet, beautiful young ladies God placed in my group.

But it was a wonderful weekend. I was with another leader who is as about as extroverted as a human being can be, so she more than made up for my lack of awesome. It was a blessed time, and those beautiful young women with servants' hearts did yard work and played games and worshipped and just generally rocked. It was encouraging to experience.

I did learn I'm not as young as I used to be. I pulled pretty much every muscle in my entire left leg sprinting after the young ladies as we played a game against the other groups. And even sprinting at my fastest, I couldn't keep up with ANY of them. And I realized I hadn't sprinted in a church since *I* was an intimidating young adult.

But the weekend was amazing. The youth learned a lot; I leaned a lot. No one got hurt, not even Grace, whom EVERYONE warned me to try to make sure she didn't get hurt. I try not to use names, but it's just so ironic that the most accident prone one in my group, in possibly the whole youth group, is named Grace.

So, yes. All in all, despite the not-really-so-intimidating-after-all young adults, despite the spiders and centipedes that hopefully did not get eaten, despite the ridiculously scary amounts of calories I consumed in the form of chocolate chip cookies and potato chips, the weekend wasn't really all that scary.

But there was still one thing that terrified me this weekend. In fact, this one thing scared me more than all the other things combined. It might be the scariest thing I'm all the known universe.

You see, during the weekend, I stayed in a host home. The host home belonged to a wonderful family who had a wonderful middle school aged daughter who was saying with another group at another host home. So I got to sleep in her room.

Middle school aged girls have very scary bed rooms.

And so for two nights, I got to fix my hair and make up, change clothes, and sleep, all while THIS was staring at me:

SAA #11: My Shell

In the past few months, I have had more than one person tell me that they didn't realize I had a personality until they became friends with me on Facebook.

I'm not sure how to take a comment like that. It's like the time my choir director told me, "I can honestly say that our Christmas cantata would not have been the same without you." I mean, what does THAT mean, exactly?

Anyway, I know that people who say such things aren't trying to be rude. They're just being honest without really thinking...like when someone tells you, "You look tired." The fact is, I know that my offline presence is sometimes different than my online presence--especially for people who don't know me very well.

For years and years and years I struggled with the idea that there was something wrong with me. I mean, most people will tell you that they think it's preferable to be an extrovert than an introvert. Even if they don't tell you this, it's often evident from people's attitudes that they think it's better to be extroverted than introverted. But I'm an introvert. I'm Socially Awkward Girl, after all. That's not to say I don't love people. I've got a LOT of friends. I just need some time to get to know people before I "come out of my shell."

So whenever I am thrown into a new situation where I don't know people all that well, I come across as someone who has no personality whatsoever. I don't talk much. When I do talk, it's usually just to answer another person's question as succinctly as possible. I used to feel guilty about this, and once I even tried to do something about it. It was then that I realized that it is not a good idea to try to force myself out of my shell.

I need my shell. Actually, that's not entirely true. Other people need my shell. I have had a few friends who have tried to get me to come out of my shell before I was ready to come out of it. They didn't realize the truth that I have learned over the years.

You see, I have a theory that God knew exactly what He was doing when He gave me a shell. I do have a personality. I have a bizarre, unusual, sometimes scary personality. In fact, my personality is so strange that it comes with its own built in security device. You see, if I were to reveal my amazing and awkward weirdness to complete strangers, I would scare most of them away (that's what happened when I tried to force myself out of my shell once). God made my shell so that it chips away very, very gradually, just a little bit at a time. As I become more comfortable with people, little pieces of my odd personality appear. Over time, I come completely out of my shell and everyone realizes that I'm utterly bonkers, but at that point, it's okay. They had time to get used to my weirdness, and therefore they weren't overwhelmed by it.

You see, there's something people should know about me when they try to get me out of my shell. It takes me a while to come out of it, but once I am out THERE IS NO WAY TO GET ME BACK INSIDE. If you wish I'd come out of my shell, you'd better be careful for you wish for.

Back to the whole Facebook thing. I'm a better writer than a speaker. I make no excuse for that. It's how God made me. It's a lot easier for my quirkiness to come out when I'm updating my Facebook status, or when I'm making some random comment on a friend's wall. I think that my written insanity is a lot easier to take than my insanity in person--especially if you don't know me that well.

And if people see two different sides of me, the witty, quirky online me and the quiet, shy offline me, then that's okay, too. It just makes me seem mysterious. And socially awkward people don't get to feel mysterious that often. I mean, sometimes when I'm wearing my black trench coat, I start feeling mysterious. Then I start humming my own theme music and leaping around in time to it. And then I trip over my own feet...and poof! The mystery is gone.

...that's all I have to say about that.