SAA Ep. #40: Talking to Machines

If Sci Fi movies are any indication, then we can expect for technology and machines to take over the world in the future. Maybe they already have. This could be the Matrix. I mean, right now you and I could be sitting in little pods filled with goo while machines feed off our energy. So maybe I'm not even writing a blog right now. ...I still expect you to read it.

I've watched/read a lot of Science Fiction...at least enough to know that HAL does not open the pod bay doors. So Science Fiction has taught us that we can't trust machines. But you and I really don't have to boldly go where no man/one has gone before or open up a good Arthur C. Clarke novel to realize that machines can't be trusted. Any college students with deadlines know that computers and printers always plot against us and break down when it's 7:55 a.m. and the paper students stayed all night typing needs to be printed and in the professor's hand at 8:00 a.m.

Technology is unpredictable. Machines were made to make our lives easier, but if they don't do what they're designed to do when we need them to do it, then they make our lives harder. And there's always this thought in the back of my mind that one day my laptop is going to develop a mind of its own and try to eat my brain. Sometimes after watching "I, Robot," I really just want to go live on a farm somewhere and churn butter and ride buggies and shun all technology and pretend I'm Amish. Only I don't think I'd look that cute in a bonnet. Being plain isn't really my thing... Wait.  Can Harrison Ford be there and drink a glass of lemonade like he did in "Witness"?  I wouldn't mind being Amish then. 

 What was I talking about?  Oh.  Technology.

Really, a socially awkward person, such as myself, can totally benefit from technology. When machines are everywhere, I don't have to talk to people as much (which is one of the main goals in the life of every socially awkward superhero).  Now, when I go to the bank. I don't have to go inside, stand in line with other people (some of whom smell inexplicably of pork and beans).  I don't have to speak to a teller who keeps checking to make sure I don't take one of the kids' lollipops they have up the counter.  No, no.  Now I can drive on up to the ATM, deposit my checks, get some cash, and go on my way without ever having to interact with a single human being. 

Same thing with the library.  I can go online, reserve a book, get an automated call from the library, go pick up my book and use a self-checker.  When I'm done with the book, I can toss it into the outside drive-thru bin.  I can have a complete library experience without ever having to talk to a human being.

Grocery store?  I can use a self-checkout.  Now, I have to admit that ten years ago, I had my first experience with one of these things.  Then I vowed that I would never use one again.  See, what happened was, the machine went crazy and started telling me to put things into my bag after I'd already put them in there, and then it kept trying to charge me for things I hadn't even bought.  So I got fed up with it and decided I was going to just give in and go to an actual checkout lane with an actual human person.  But the actual human person monitoring the self-checkout thing (who hadn't been paying attention when the machine went crazy) came over and accused me of trying to steal stuff. So I stepped back and let her ring up all my stuff in the self-checkout, which pretty much defeated the purpose of using a self-checkout.  And I declared that those things were evil and I would never use one again.  I've recanted that lately.  The self-checkout lane machines are not evil; they are simply misunderstood.  I think sometimes they do crazy stuff because they're bored.  I mean, really.  I'd be bored if I were a self-checkout machine.

I'm also very appreciative of companies that have automated services I can use when I have to call them.  I hate hate HATE talking to people on the phone about stuff.  "Customer Service Representatives are standing by" is one of the scariest phrases in the world to me.

Please don't get me wrong.  I like people (sometimes--maybe even usually).  I like talking to people (sometimes).  I also don't want machines to put people out of jobs.  But there's just something really nice to me about being able to go out into the world and do things without having to talk to strangers.  Maybe that makes me some kind of anti-social jerk, but at least I'm not a homicidal robot. 

...or am I...

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