SSA Ep # 18: Forgetful Gratitude

I'm pretty good at some things. I can sing. I can write. I dominate at word games. I can make kids laugh. I can sometimes make grown ups laugh, too. But I'm not good at everything. I mean, one person can't have ALL the awesome talents. I'm bad at sports. I can't dance (unless the hokey pokey counts). I can only draw well enough to impress a four year old. I am only fairly sure I'd be a pathetic rodeo clown, but to be fair, I've never really tried. ...and I'm pretty sure I never will...

One thing I'm horribly, horrifically, terribly, and very very BAD at is taking compliments. I've gotten slightly better at it, but at the end of the day I still find myself guiltily replaying the conversations I had throughout the day in my mind:

Friend/Coworker/Parent/Or Other Nice Person: I love that shirt you're wearing!
Me: I got it at Target. $9.00. On Clearance.

or

F/C/P/ONP: You've lost more weight, haven't you? You look great!
Me: Actually, I think I've gained weight since last week.

or

F/C/P/ONP: I heard you singing those high notes in choir today. You have a pretty voice.
Me: I have a slight cold, so I'm surprised I didn't croak this morning.

or

F/C/P/ONP: The blog you wrote last night made me laugh.
Me: Which one? Oh, that one? Yeah. That was a totally awkward situation, huh?

I have conversations simliar to those above on a fairly regular basis. I'm not sure if my replies to these compliments come from some sort of self-esteem issue or just because I feel the need to say something witty. The one theme I notice in all situations is that I often forget something very important. I forget to say "Thank you."

It's not because I'm not thankful (though I suspect I'm not as grateful as I should be). I mean, I get a lot of compliments from people. It's not because I'm particularly awesome--it's because I have awesome friends who choose to see good things in other people. I love my friends. I love the parents I have come to know over the years. I love my coworkers. I'm exceedingly grateful for them and for the constant encouragement they are to me.

But I forget to say thank you. If someone compliments me on something I'm wearing, why do I feel the need to mention to them where I got it? Do I think they're going to run out and buy one just like it? Do I just want to brag that I scored an amazing purchase? If someone compliments me on a talent I have, do I try to appear more humble by downplaying it? If someone compliments me just because they care and want to say something nice, do I try to come up with some response other than "thank you" because I feel the need to fill the conversation with meaningless and not-as-witty-as-I-think-it-is chatter?

I think the answer to all of those is YES.

So, it is apparent that I have a problem.

But what do they say? Admitting you have a problem is the first step? The first step to what? I don't know.

I hope it's not a dance step. I so can't dance.

(In case I've forgotten to thank you for a compliment or anything else, let me say it right now: THANK YOU!)