Ah, Christmas. It's the magical time of year when everyone's brain turns to mush. I like to call this phenomenon the "Christmas Brain."
Do you remember that old movie with Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan? No, no. Not "You've Got Mail." The other one. Yeah...wait, no. Not "Sleepless in Seattle." I mean the OTHER one. "Joe VS. the Volcano." Yeah. That one. You don't remember it? Okay, well never mind then. I mean, the movie is awesome, although completely impossible to understand. But Tom Hanks' character (Joe) is diagnosed with an imaginary "disease" known as a "Brain Cloud." I am of the opinion that a "Brain Cloud," if it were in fact a real disease, would be a lot like the "Christmas Brain." Only Christmas Brain only takes place during the holidays, and the Christmas Brain isn't usually fatal...and also, no one has to jump into a volcano, although sometimes the Christmas Brain makes you want to do crazy, crazy things.
Christmas Brain is the reason why every single December, I trick myself into believing that I can successfully make 1000 cake truffles/chocolate covered pretzels/pieces of biscotti, etc. etc. in a single evening. After realizing that I can't make all that stuff and still keep my sanity, I choose to forfeit my sanity. This loss of sanity leads to an even greater case of Christmas Brain, which leads to all sorts of what I like to call Christmas Fails.
For instance, the preschool where I work is a Christian preschool. We're not allowed to discuss Santa Claus or any of the secular aspects of Christmas, and I completely agree with and support this rule. There's nothing wrong with flying reindeer, but a Christian preschool isn't the place for it. Anyway, the last day of preschool before the Christmas break, one of the other teachers brought in "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" for the kids to watch. I remember filtering the situation through my brain, as I often do when confronted with a situation that might be against the rules. I thought, "Rudolph. Flying Reindeer. Nothing against the rules there. It's Rudolph! Of course we're allowed to watch that." Now, if my brain were normal, and not a Christmas Brain, I would have come to a different conclusion. I would have thought, "Rudolph. Flying Reindeer. AND Santa Claus. We can't watch this here. Let's watch VeggieTales." Fortunately, the preschool director caught us just in time and made us turn it off--all the while looking at us like we were crazy. I think we all had the Christmas Brain...which led to an epic Christmas Fail.
I've noticed the Christmas Brain/Christmas Fails in a lot of people, but I think Walmart workers have it pretty bad. It's not their fault, bless them. Long hours, cranky customers, busy, busy, busy. It's easy to get upset with retail workers, but I think it's just a lot more fun to just laugh at them and move on. And when I'm laughing at them, I'm really laughing with them, because I've got the Christmas Brain, too.
I had one Walmart employee try to help me out by directing me to a "20 Items or Less Line." I figured she was telling me that one of the lines was open, so I left my spot in a reasonably short line and went to the checkout she indicated. Only the line she directed me to was significantly longer than the line I left. And by the time I realized the problem with her "help," I'd lost my place in the shorter line. So I stood there, laughing at the ridiculousness of the situation. Otherwise, I might have been crying.
Speaking of crying, the Christmas Brain leads to a complete loss of emotional control during the holidays. I found myself in Target the other day, staring at the Christmas decorations on sale, and I started crying because I just love Christmas so much, and Christmas was almost over, and I just love Christmas so much, and I'm not ready for it to be over...and I just love Christmas so much. And I had a serious case of the Christmas Brain.
The great thing about the Christmas Brain is that it continues even after Christmas. I went into Walmart a few days after Christmas, trying to get a soda and some money on my gas card, so I could drive a few hundred miles from KY to NC. I instructed the lady to put $25 on my card, and handed her the soda so I could also pay for that...or so I thought. She scanned my card in order to put the $25 on it...or so I thought. She handed me my soda, my gift card, and a receipt, and I hadn't paid for anything...or so I thought.
It took me a few seconds to realize that she had used my gift card (which already had a few dollars on it) to pay for my soda. I said, "No, I wanted $25 put on my gift card." She looked at me for a few seconds, then smiled and said, "You know what we can do? We can put $25 on your card." Um....
I said, "Yes, that's what I'm asking you to do." She looked at me another few seconds, then said, "I know. I'll just put $25 on your card." I was tempted to grab my card out of her flustered fingers and run to another cash register with an employee who wasn't suffering as strongly from the Christmas Brain, but I decided to give her one more chance. She put the money on my card, handed me my soda, and said, "There. Now you have your $25 on your card, and you also have your soda," as if this were news to me or something. I just nodded, smiled, and made sure she gave me the proper receipts, just in case she still wasn't sure about the transaction that had just taken place.
It's things like the Christmas Brain that make me almost glad that this time only comes once a year. ...but then there's always the Valentine's Day Brain, the Easter Brain, the Halloween Brain, and the "I Just Feel Like Going Crazy for No Apparent Reason" Brain. All of them help make life more interesting.
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