The story you're about to read is true. The names have been omitted because I can't remember most of them anymore.
Long ago in a far away land, there was a learning institution for average teenage muggles. It was a very special place known as "public high school."
The teachers at the public school were also muggles, except for one odd English teacher who might have been a squib. The squib mostly brooded and performed his own bad emo poetry for the victims in his class, whilst the other teachers engaged in various lighthearted muggle activities known as "pranks"...and also occasionally taught their classes.
All was merry in the land of public high school, until one fateful day, the anatomy teacher began a prank feud with the precalculus teacher. No one can recall how it began, no one can remember who dealt the first foul prank blow, but all who lived through such desperate days could tell you exactly how it ended.
It was springtime. A lovely day. A day where anything could happen. But no one could expect this.
THE SPANISH INQUISITION! Wait. No. Wrong story. Shh.
As the unsuspecting muggle students made their way to the anatomy lab that warm spring morning, a curious, foul smell greeted their offended nostrils. To their horror, the odor only grew more evil as they neared the classroom.
And when one brave soul opened the door, as a cloud of toxic fumes filled the hallway, a strange sight also appeared before the students' eyes. The anatomy teacher, a surgical mask covering his face, was leaping around the anatomy lab like a ballerina, dispersing the entire contents of a can of air freshener as he carried out his frantic dance.
The air freshener did not mask the scent, the scent that was so repulsive, so unidentifiable.
Was it a science experiment gone wrong? Was it the anatomy teacher's lunch that had accidentally been left in the classroom over a long weekend? No. It was...it was...it was....
A prank.
A prank gone horribly awry.
The precalculus teacher had gone too far. He had placed an item in the room the night before, in a failed attempt to merely freak the anatomy teacher out.
Well, the attempt wasn't really failed, for the anatomy teacher was indeed sufficiently freaked out...and possibly scarred for life...along with his innocent students.
For the precalculus teacher did not realize the stench his prank would bring, nor how long said stench would linger, nor how useless a mere can of air freshener would be against it.
The dreaded, smelly item? What was it? What could possibly cause such a foul stench?
It was...it was.............
A. Cow. Placenta.
Yep.
No one knows how this disgusting object was acquired. One can only hope the precalculus teacher wasn't stalking poor, pregnant cows, waiting for his chance to strike. Maybe there is a black market for odd bovine...stuff. But no matter how he obtained it, the precalculus teacher was blissfully unaware that the afterbirth of a cow could produce such a potent aroma when left on another teacher's desk overnight.
The precalculus teacher, ashamed by his bizarre and smell-producing actions, declared an end to the prank feud. And once again the land of public high school was at peace. Except for all the teenage angst. And the bad squib emo poetry.
But the stench that the prank left behind lingered for many days. It mingled with the scent of the canned air freshener, creating a new fragrance, more ghastly and stubborn than the first.
Because if there's anything that smells worse than two-day-old cow placenta, it's lilac scented two-day-old cow placenta.
You can take my word for it. I was there. I breathed the evil scent with my own two nostrils, and they have never forgotten.
They never will.
The moral to this story, of course, is: "A rolling cow placenta gathers no lilacs."
Wait, no.
How about: "Those who steal cow placentas shouldn't throw lilacs"?
Um...
"Slow and steady wins the cow placenta"?
"A placenta in the hands is worth two in the cow"?
"Placenta cometh before the fall"?
Ah.
"Leave a sleeping cow placenta where it lies."
That's the one.
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