SAA Ep. #7: The Thrift Store (NOW WITH PICTURES)

I had an unpleasant realization today.

I also embarked on a quest--well, it was actually a few quests rolled into one. The main quest was for a brown winter jacket. My old winter jacket is actually more of a fall weight jacket, and it is also quite threadbare. Not only that, but it's kind of ginormous on me now. Earlier this year, I lost 40 pounds. Don't congratulate me yet. I've gained five of those pounds back and I could still stand to lose 15-20 pounds. Also, right before I posted this, I proceeded to eat almost an entire bag of Turtle Chex Mix. Yeah...New Year's Resolutions are right around the corner... Unfortunately before I round that corner, I'll probably round my middle a little more with Thanksgiving and Christmas.

Anyway, so I went to the mall, hoping to find a decently priced jacket. "Decently priced" is a relative term, so keep in mind that I work with kids. In fact, just forget I said "decently priced" and pretend I said "cheap," because that's what I meant.

The mall is not typically a cheap place. I meandered around a few stores, carefully avoiding the sales clerks before they could ask me "Can I help you find something?" I always get the feeling those people are really asking me something else, like, "Did you look in the mirror before you left your house this morning?" or "Have you ever been inside an actual department store, sweetheart?" or "What can I prevent you from shoplifting today?"

And stores at the malls--particularly clothing stores--just freak me out. I walked into one and realized it was WAY too classy for me. So I made a lap around one of the mannequins and immediately exited the store. Even the mannequins in those places seem condescending. I could feel their soulless eyes staring at me, daring me to deem myself awesome enough to enter their store. But then, I hate mannequins. Did anyone see that Olivia Newton John Christmas movie where she was a mannequin that came to life and became this kid's mom? Weird. Way to spread Christmas cheer--creepy mannequins that wanna get physical, physical...

Anyway, I found nothing "cheap" enough for my budget. So--I went to the thrift store. And here is where I had my unpleasant realization. I was standing amongst the aisles of grandma clothes (they looked like grandma clothes AND smelled like grandma clothes), hoping to find something that was made in this century. I overheard this lady talking to no one. And I thought to myself, "This is a crazy person. I'm listening to a legitimately crazy person. This is where crazy people shop for clothes." That was NOT my unpleasant realization.

I'll get to the unpleasant realization in a moment. First, I want to take this opportunity to comment on the difference between the extremely poor and the extremely rich. The extremely poor are often crazy people who walk around talking to themselves. The extremely rich are often people who buy expensive gadgets like invisible blue tooth headsets that enable them to walk around and look exactly like they're talking to themselves. Hmm.

Back to the unpleasant realization.

See, I have known for a long time that crazy people shop at the thrift stores. There are people who come to the thrift store every day just to stand amongst the antiquated clothing just so they can have conversations with themselves in public. They might even get paid for it--their presence provides such rich and entertaining atmosphere to my bargain bin shopping experience.

I know there are crazy people in thrift stores. What I didn't realize is that I'm FAR more comfortable shopping where the crazy people shop than I am shopping at the mall.

To make matters worse, I did not find a jacket, even among the crazy people. However, I did find several nice sweaters. I also found a canister that matches my old discontinued Corelle pattern (Blue Hearts. I found out it was made exclusively for Walmart--go figure. Blue Hearts: The Official Corelle Pattern of People Who Shop Where Crazy People Shop!!).

This is not the actual container. This is a similar container I also got at a thrift store.

The actual container is now soaking in bleach & awaiting a couple trips thru the dishwasher.

The canister rattled a little (it wasn't broken), and the lid was taped down, so I couldn't see what was inside it. I mean, I could have taken off the tape, but that would have ruined the surprise. I mean, it was like a thrift store happy meal with a surprise inside. What could it be? Another smaller canister? An extra lid? A dead rat? A live rat? A human tooth? The possibilities were practically endless!!

I brought it home and opened it up. What was inside? I'm still not sure. Maybe you can tell me.

I think I might have preferred a human tooth.