SAA Ep. #10: Greetings on the Go

I recently got a new cell phone with one of those slide out mini qwerty (I love saying qwerty...I like taking every available opportunity to say the word qwerty) keyboards. I also finally joined the 21st century and got in on a texting plan, which has revolutionized my life. No more must I tell my friends (yes, even Socially Awkward Girl has friends...) not to text me because it costs extra money. I can now text to my heart's content and send my BFFs awkward messages about "lookn @ thongs @ store" when I really meant "lookn @ THINGS @ store" (for those who are texting impaired, that means "I am currently looking at things at the store for no apparent reason and decided to send you a text about it just because I can.")

I've only had the new (qwerty!) phone and text plan for less than a month, and already I've learned a few important things: 1) I really should turn my phone on silent when I don't want people to hear my silly "Monty Python" ringtone that loudly sounds every single time a person sends me a text. 2) Since I don't get much of a phone signal in my apartment, the most effective way to send a text from said apartment is to lift my phone over my head and carefully swing it back and forth whilst shouting "Whoo Whoo Whoo!" The shouting probably doesn't help, but it seems appropriate somehow. 3) I cannot walk and text (on my awesome qwerty keyboard) at the same time without endangering myself and others.

In fact, I've found that I have great difficulty walking and doing much of anything else. It seems my brain can only focus on one thing at a time. My brain can concentrate on moving my legs back and forth without causing them to trip over themselves (about 62% of the time...which is an improvement), but my brain can't handle any other activity at the same time.

I believe this is why I have such a hard time with greetings on the go. If you're from the South, you probably know what I'm talking about. I've heard that people up North just don't talk to other people...at least not to strangers. But down where I live, if you pass a stranger on the street, it's expected that you will at least acknowledge the other person's existence. Usually, this is done with a simple intercourse of phrases:

Person 1: "Hello. How are you?"
Person 2: "Well, hello to you as well. I am doing well. How are you?"
Person 1: "I am doing well, also. I just got a new phone with a qwerty keypad.
Person 2: (polite chuckle) "That is nice. Isn't this fine weather we are having?"
Person 1: "Yes. Yes it is. I hope it doesn't rain tomorrow."
Person 2: "Me too. I hope the remainder of your day is pleasant."
Person 1: "You too. Goodbye."
Person 2: "Bye, now."

Okay, so maybe most interactions are not that long, but most people (at least in the South) will at least say hi to another person they pass on the street.

However, my brain is only able to focus on walking. I find that when I pass people on the street, I try to say hi, but it doesn't work. I think the problem is, since my brain is working on keeping my legs moving, it doesn't have the capability to also control my speech. It tries to work out the phrasing for "Hello" and "How are you?" all at the same time. And if the other person speaks first and asks me how I am, then my brain is also trying to work out the phrase "I am fine." The end result is that I end up grunting out some kind of unintelligible combination of "Hello, how are you, I am fine." It usually sounds something like, "Hggggag." That's not a word. It doesn't even sound like a word. Qwerty, however, does sound like a word. An awesome, awesome word.

The funny thing is, even after hearing my nonsensical grunt, the other person always just keeps walking. It's probably because their brains are too busy trying to manipulate their legs that they don't have energy to even think about how ridiculous my response just sounded.

Sometimes strange things also happen when I come across people I know. For example, the other day I saw the pastor from my church in a store. I like my pastor, but I wouldn't say we're BFF qwerty texting buddies or anything. Plus, I'm used to seeing him at church while we're both surrounded by church people and doing church things. So we were both in an unfamiliar surrounding and therefore in a slightly socially awkward situation. What did we do? At the same exact time, in perfect unison, we both said, "Hi. How are you? I'm fine."

And we kept walking.

At least I didn't grunt some kind of strange unintelligible fake word at him.