It's been so ridiculously hot here lately that I've felt the need to remind myself how much I ABHOR winter. I hate cold. I hate snow. I hate ice. I hate those things even more than I hate the deplorable summer sun that constantly threatens me with skin cancer and/or a heat stroke. The last couple of days, I've stayed indoors with my friend Jerkface the Elliptical instead of trying to run in that heat. I think I'd hate running in snow and ice even more, though.
One of the reasons I really hate winter is because I have to plan at least 10 extra minutes into my daily getting ready routine. Why? Because as soon as I'm ready to go, I have to spend at least 10 extra minutes cleaning all the ice off my car. One day, I will have a house. And that house will have a garage. And I will park my car in it. Until then, I am a victim to the elements.
Here's an added winter bonus with my car. The driver door--the one I use to enter my car--likes to freeze shut when it gets really cold. When this happens, I can pull the handle up, sometimes, but it doesn't open when I pull on it. And if I do manage to get the handle up, then my door is technically "open" (at least as far as my car's sensors are concerned), and I have no way of getting it "closed" again until I am first able to open it. And sometimes that doesn't even work. Sometimes when I get the door open, it won't close again. It won't seal shut. And I can't drive it because the door won't close. I've had to call work to let them know I'd be late because "I've gotten my car door open and it won't shut again." I'm telling you...I have bad CARma.
So one winter morning, I went out to my car so I could drive to church. My car was covered in ice, and sure enough, my driver door would not open. I went around to the passenger's side, thinking I'd just start the engine and wait for the car to thaw out. It wouldn't open either. So I tried the back passenger door, but it wouldn't let me in either. I tried the last door, the rear driver's side door. It opened! I was in.
So I closed the door behind me, leaned over the front seat, and started up the engine. Then I tried to get out of the car again. It wouldn't open.
The thing I had forgotten was that I had put the child safety locks on to keep the kids I nanny for inside the car. What I didn't think about is that they would also keep ME inside the car. The car door could only be opened from the outside. And I was inside.
And I was wearing a skirt. I don't know what in the world made me think that wearing a skirt in the middle of winter was a good idea. I usually stick with pants in the winter...because cold legs just aren't my thing.
But here I was, awkwardly climbing over the front seat of my car in a skirt. It took me a few minutes, but once I was there, I tried opening the driver door again. It was still stuck. I was trapped inside my own car!! It was like my car had eaten me!
Of course, the car did eventually thaw out. I did eventually make it to church--about half an hour late. The car door did eventually open to let me out.
It took me some time to get it closed again, though.
But that was the day I turned off my car's child safety locks.
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