The way I see it, there are two ways my life could go. Either I will develop skin cancer and die while still relatively young, or I'll beat that skin cancer (I'm pretty sure the skin cancer will develop eventually--it is my destiny) and live to be really, really old. And if I live to be really, really old, I'll have Alzheimer's Syndrome. I'm pretty sure the Alzheimer's is unavoidable, too, simply because my 31 year old brain is already having serious trouble making and keeping connections. I do crossword puzzles and Sudoku and other things to try to sharpen my brain power, but it's kind of a lost cause. I think I've already started a very very gradual decline towards completely losing my memory.
For instance, I have thought of dozens and dozens of wonderful socially awkward topics about which to blog, but alas, thirty seconds after I've dreamt them up, I forget them. I might remember some of these topics on some random day during some random encounter, but some of them are probably forgotten forever. Just last night, I had some brilliant topic that I was going to blog on today, but...I forgot it.
That kind of thing happens a lot. I walk into a room and can't remember why. I stand up to go do something, only to sit down a second later because I can't remember what I was about to do. I learned a long time ago that if I think up a good line for a poem, I'd better write it down immediately or it'll get lost somewhere in the fluffy synapses of my brain.
Sometimes I think my head is like Winnie the Pooh's...stuffed with fluff. I guess that beats one of the alternatives. Poor Eeyore--stuffed with sawdust. Yeah, I see you judging the gloomy little guy. You'd be gloomy too if you were stuffed with sawdust. And if your tail kept falling off. So there.
Yeah, but anyway, I was kind of just writing this in hopes that I would remember what I was originally going to blog about today, but I don't think that's going to happen. Maybe it will come to me sometime tomorrow while I'm at work, trying to remember what some kid just asked me to do for them. Maybe it's lost forever. Maybe someday when I'm in a nursing home drooling in my jello (which I won't remember that I don't like), I'll remember it. I might not remember my own name, but I'll remember what I was going to blog about today.
All I know is that it was brilliant. It was a brilliant topic. Perhaps it was so brilliant that it would change the world and life as we know it. Perhaps that's why my brain forgot it. It was a fail safe. My poor memory is the one defense the world has from knowing my insane genius! ...so all the world ends up seeing is the insane part. Thanks, brain. Thanks a lot.
And please no one take this the wrong way, because I know this is horrible. I'm not making fun of anyone besides myself. My great grandmother had Alzheimer's and it's a horrible, horrible thing. I've been blessed to not have any other close family members to have had it, so far (and I'm hoping never). But one day I was talking to my roommate about Alzheimer's, and I was saying how I hoped no one in my family ever got it. And then I said something that made me laugh hysterically, because it was funny in a pathetic way--which pretty much describes most of my life. I said, "If anyone in my family has to get Alzheimer's, I hope it's me. I don't have any kids who will worry about me, and if I'm going to be sad and alone someday, it might be kind of nice to not know what was going on."
Yeah.
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