Embarrablast from the Past Ep. #11: Fly Guys

I'm not going to lie.  Superman is hot. 

I mean, the dude can manage to wear an outfit THAT ridiculous and actually make it look good.  Not just good--iconic.  Just looking at a pic of Superman makes me think of truth, justice, and the American way.  Only...according to this article I just read, Superman is no longer dedicated to "the American way."  And now that I'm actually thinking about it, since when did I really ever THINK about Superman being an American?  When did I really think about what "the American way" meant?  I guess I always just figured it sounded really cool when the television announcer said it.

Because that's the way I grew up knowing about Superman.  I saw the really old tv show with George Reeves and I saw the (NO NO I WON'T BELIEVE THEY'RE OLD BECAUSE MOST OF THEM WERE MADE IN MY LIFETIME AND I'M NOT OLD) movies with Christopher Reeve.  And I thought that the two Supermans (Supermen??) were related or something because their last names are so similar.  But I didn't read any of the comic books or anything.  My Superman knowledge came from tv and film...mostly film.

Because, again, not going to lie.  I had a thing for Superman.  That's right.  This socially awkward superhero had an epic crush on the ultimate superhero.  As an impressionable ten year old with an overactive imagination, watching Christopher Reeve version Superman fly with Margot Kidder version Lois Lane was pretty much the most romantic thing ever. 

I blame John Williams.

Then, right near the onset of my Superman crush, I saw this dreadful movie called "The Boy Who Could Fly," which I still happen to love (I even own a copy on a state-of-the-art VHS cassette).  It starred this guy named Jay Underwood, who I had the biggest ten-year-old celeb crush on ever.  I think he's a minister now, which makes him even more amazing--although he's married--and has kids--and is quite a bit older than me--and has absolutely no idea who I am. 

Anyway, the movie is about a boy.  A boy who could fly.  As you can see, they were really creative with the title.

The movie features this one "dream sequence" where the lead girl flies off into the sky with the lead boy and has a little romantic scene.  Aww.  The writers quite obviously stole the idea from Superman/Lois Lane.  ...even the music sounds suspiciously similar to John William's miraculous musical mood manipulation.

I ate that stuff up.

So when I was about ten years old, I decided that when I grew up, I was going to find myself a flying boyfriend/husband.  He would come to my balcony and carry me off into the night sky.  We would go soaring together over the city lights, and in the background there would be an orchestra playing some kind of amazing love theme just for us.

I guess I wasn't thinking about how my hair would get messed up or how even if by some miracle there WAS an orchestra playing for us, we wouldn't be able to hear it over the rushing wind.  I'd get cold.  I'd get dizzy.  He would have to take me back after only a few minutes because I'd probably get airsick and barf all over him.  Romantic?  Eh, not so much.

But just when I reached my teenage years and should have realized a relationship with Superman would never work, that epic 90's "Lois and Clark: The New Adventures of Superman" show came out.  And, once again, I was a goner. 

Superman was my kryptonite. 

I was somewhere around the age of twenty when I FINALLY realized that it wasn't a good idea to hold out for a flying hubby.  I wanted to be Lois Lane, rescued by that superhuman hero.  Only, that's not what I needed.  And I eventually came to realize that I'd already been rescued--that I never needed a flying man in bright tights and a cape.  I just needed a Savior, and I already had Him.  The dreams I had that weren't based in reality faded, and visions were set in their place--visions that had nothing to do with theatrical romance or epic John Williams music.  The only way I would ever "fly" would be by following Him. 

I guess that's cheesy, but that's how my 20 year old mind worked it all out. 

And now that I'm thinking about it, would I really want a superhero/flying hubby who fought for "the American way"?  Do truth and justice even fit in the same sentence as the phrase "the American way"?  Because the American way is pretty messed up.  It has little to do with truth or justice.  Basically, the American way is pretty selfish.  Is that what Superman was all about?  No.  So maybe that's why he's an alien now.  I mean...like an alien to the U.S.   I mean...oh nevermind.

Maybe I've missed a lot by not reading the comic books, because the recent ones sound like they're pretty political.  Perhaps I would have never developed a Superman crush at all if I had read the comic books.  Nothing kills romance faster than politics. 

Hmm...maybe if John Williams wrote a stirring political musical theme....

Nah.

Embarablast From the Past #1: I Fell For Him...Literally

So when I was 18 years old, I had this MAJOR crush on this guy. I went to a Christian college where we had assemblies twice a week called "Convocations." One day, this famous professional athelete of some sort came to speak, and so the entire gymnasium was PACKED. There was no room left on the bleachers, so I had to sit on the floor.

I didn't mind so much, because the man of my 18-yr-old dreams was sitting on the floor nearby. Well, the speaker started speaking, so I tried to listen. He spoke for a very long time. I was only somewhat aware of the fact that both of my legs were falling asleep.

When the man finally got done speaking, he wanted us to all stand up and pray with him. So everyone stood up. I stood up. Only my legs were both COMPLETELY numb, so they wouldn't support me. I started flailing LOUDLY while everyone else in the gym was growing quiet and serious for prayer time. I somehow managed to spastically lower myself to the floor, but it was already too late.

In slow motion, I could see every eye of every person in the entire gymnasium--practically the entire school--turning their eyes towards me. The man of my 18-yr-old dreams looked at me like I was the craziest person he had ever seen in his life.

I tried to play it off like I was just full of the Spirit, but I don't think anyone really believed me.

The end.