Unfortunately, this dream had little chance of success. For one thing, I can't dance. One time in college, I was part of this Gershwin show that the directors didn't really want me to be a part of (but, for whatever reason, they wouldn't tell me to go away). I practiced this dance to "I Got Rhythm" about a gazbillion times before getting it down right. I still don't got rhythm, but thanks to that show and my hours of practicing in front of the mirror, I can do a jazz square like nobody's business. Sometimes I can even pair it with believable jazz hands.
Another reason why I wouldn't make it in musical theater is because while I once believed had decent acting skills and I still believe I have a good singing voice, I never did well in auditions. And that's pretty important to getting roles in musical theater. ...or so I hear....
And the way I see it, I really wouldn't like being in musical theater. When I was thirteen, I really wanted to be Belle from "Beauty and the Beast." I wanted to be her. The movie had only been out about a year, and I wanted to be Belle. I wanted to go from poor provincial life to prisoner in an enchanted castle to girlfriend of big hairy guy. I was realistic enough to know that I could never actually be her, so I wanted the next best thing. I used to pray, yes pray, that the Lord would make Disney make a theatrical version of "Beauty and the Beast" so that I could get the starring role and finally, finally BE BELLE.
Well...God answered half that prayer. Yes, there is a Broadway musical. No, I've never performed in it. So if you're a fan of Disney's theatrical version of "Beauty and the Beast," you can thank me--or better yet, thank God for answering half my prayer.
The older I got, though, I realized that performing Belle on the stage wouldn't be as great as I thought. Acting is a lot of hard work, and I don't think I'd like to portray Belle (or anyone else) night after night after night. Besides, just pretending to be Belle on stage wouldn't actually make me Belle. I'd leave the stage and go home to an overpriced apartment, living nothing more than a provincial life...in the heart of New York City...or somewhere like that. Which...I wouldn't be cut out for at all...
And eventually, I discovered that I don't really want to be Belle anyway. It would be nice, but see, when I talk to teapots, I don't like it when they talk back. My life is adventurous enough as it is. But one problem that I see with my life, and basically, life in general, is that it's not like those awesome musicals. I truly believe that one of the reasons I haven't gotten married is because I really expect true love to happen in some grandiose musical duet. I'm thinking of "Beauty and the Beast" where they dance in the ballroom. I'm thinking of that moment in "Tangled" with the lanterns, when Flynn/Eugene and Rapunzel gaze into one another's eyes. I'm thinking of "Enchanted" where Prince Edward and Gizelle sing about "True Love's Kiss."
...and now I'm thinking about James Marsden...looking outrageously attractive even in outrageously puffy sleeves...acting cute...and singing...
...where was I?
Oh, yes. The problem with life is, no one just goes around singing like they do in musicals. Well, some people do. In fact, I do. In fact, I believe that the main reason God gave me a good singing voice is because I sing ALL the time, and if I couldn't carry a tune, it would be even more annoying than it already is. But the thing is, no one likes to sing with me when I start singing, so I've had to tone it down a little. It's really a shame, too, because I think my life--that everyone's lives, would make a pretty awesome musical.
I'm not just talking love songs here. I think people should sing about getting ready in the morning:
"I have to be at work in half an hour.
I don't have time to take a shower!
But my boss is going to be a jerk.
If I arrive too stinky to work!"
...or people should sing about going to the grocery:
"I forgot all my manufacturer's coupons.
I can't remember what I was supposed to get.
Do I need another gallon of milk?
I should have made a shopping list!"
...or people should sing about standing in line at the post office:
"My lunch hour is almost gone.
But I'm stuck in line singing this song.
I'll go crazy if I hear it one more time:
'Is there anything liquid, fragile, perishable, or potentially hazardous inside?!'
Going postal. I'm going postal.
I've got to mail this package. I've gotta buy a book of stamps!
Going postal. I'm going postal!
The lady in line in front of me smells like ham."
...or people should sing while driving (and not just to the radio, like I almost always do):
"I honk my horn at you, you bad driver, there.
You cut me off without using your blinker.
I'm shouting, though you can't hear me, you stinker.
I honk my horn at you, and you don't care!"
...or people should sing while eating at a fine dining establishment:
"My waiter is getting an awesome tip tonight.
My waiter brought me water; he brought it just right.
Just listen to my water's ice cubes jingle.
Oh, I wonder if that waiter's single.
My waiter is really out of siiii-iiight!"
Yeah, I don't know why it's not considered socially acceptable (and even socially awesome) to randomly burst out in song in public. I'm glad I work with kids, because working with kids gives me lots of opportunities to sing. I made up a song about roses the other day, and I performed it for a kid I was
"Roses can be lots of colors.
Roses can be pink.
Roses can be blue or red.
And their stems are green!
Roses can be orange.
Roses can be purple.
Roses can be yellow.
Nothing rhymes with purple."
The kid just looked at me and said, "You're weird."
But he was smiling, because music, even weird music, makes people happy.
So I'm going to keep singing in my real life musical, and maybe one day I'll end up with a big hairy boyfriend. Aww.
Can he look/sing like James Marsden??
We sing all the time as well. We have a few standby songs, like Are you sleeping? that we randomly make up lyrics to. We have a neat song with our family's name in it that goes to the tune of Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes. Maybe your wish of James Marsden will come true and you can make up your own!
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