The cellular phone is a curious device. I believe its original purpose was to allow a person to have the capability of moving around from location to location while talking to a person in a completely different location. Now cell phones are smarter than people (doesn't take much, when you really think about it), and now it seems that the main use of a cell phone is to play Angry Birds or check Facebook.
I don't have a smart phone. In fact, I'm pretty sure my phone rode the short bus. Okay, so that was a bit unfair. My phone isn't THAT dumb. It has a small texting keypad and the capability of doing a lot of really interesting things that require a data plan, which I do not have. It's not my phone's fault it's dumb; it was just never afforded the opportunities that other phones have had. It's a product of its environment--meaning its owner is cheap. ...and also scared of phones that are smarter than humans.
Well, since I am generally stupid and suspicious when it comes to technology, I usually don't trust my phone to update itself whenever Daylight Savings Time comes around. However, my phone has never ceased to automatically update. So, this year, I decided I'd take a leap of faith and trust my phone. I set my wake up alarms (yes I have more than one--about 15 of them actually--I usually finally get out of bed around the time the 12th one goes off) for their usual times, and then I went to sleep.
My roommate also trusted her cell phone. That's important to note. It's also important to note that my roommate needed to be at church an hour earlier than I did this morning.
I was not awoken by my phone's alarm. I was awoken to the sound of my roommate fake cussing and rushing around the apartment. Her phone alarm had not gone off. Neither had mine.
So, lesson learned. Don't trust technology. Phone clocks don't always automatically update to time changes. Phone alarms don't always go off. ...And one day robots will enslave us and make us into human batteries.
But my evil cell phone's plans to ruin my day were thwarted. Due to the extraordinary amount of rushing noise my roommate was making, I was woken up with sufficient time to get ready and go to church.
Even if I had been late for church, that would not be enough to make me hate Daylight Savings Time. Some people are DST haters, and well, I will let them hate. It does stink to lose an hour, especially when you have kids and stuff. But here's the way I see it....
Every autumn, I get mild seasonal depression (That's self-diagnosed, fyi. I was a psychology minor, so that makes me perfectly qualified to make diagnoses of mood disorders, right?). When the weather gets colder and the days get shorter, I get mildly depressed--which includes physical EXHAUSTION. On the other hand, when spring comes around, bringing warmer weather and brighter sunshine, I feel more energized. So yeah, I will GLADLY give up one hour now if it means that I can have it back in the autumn. And even though it stinks to lose an hour, the bright side is that I only have to push the "set hour" button once on all my digital clocks.
...in the autumn, it's kind of a pain in the butt to have to press that set hour button eleven times. And of course, I always get too into it and overshoot, which means I have to push it another eleven times. One day I might sprain my finger.
Stupid technology.
Showing posts with label cell phone. Show all posts
Showing posts with label cell phone. Show all posts
Sunday, March 11, 2012
Friday, April 1, 2011
SAA Ep.# 23: Being Bored in Public
Peanut butter kills people.
It's not a laughing matter at all. I work with kids. I know TONS of kids with peanut allergies severe enough to kill them. I know adults with the same problem. I'm related to adults who can't eat peanuts without needing immediate medical attention.
Me? Oh, I eat peanut butter on a weekly basis. Sometimes, if I've run out of money for groceries, I eat peanut butter on a daily basis. I'm quite fond of peanut butter. It's probably one of my favorite foods. You can combine it with chocolate. You can combine it with celery and raisins. You can put it in a sandwich or a cookie or a pie or cake...even the icing. My great grandmother even put it in ice cream--which was amazing. It works equally well with jelly, jam, bananas, AND honey. You can eat it with a spoon. George Washington Carver was a genius. Peanut Butter is like one of the most amazing and versatile foods in the world.
And it kills people.
In The DiVinci Code (which I only read because everyone said it was heresy), there was actually a dude murdered by peanut. Peanuts, in their raw, roasted, boiled, and butter form, are deadly. Like if you ever found a colony of people with peanut allergies and forced them to eat peanut butter, you would have peanuts as weapons of mass destruction. Have you ever just stopped to consider this--how a food that millions of people eat EVERY DAY means SUDDEN DEATH for other people?
I have. I have pondered it at length. It's one of the many things I ponder when I am faced with being bored in public.
Public boredom happens when:
1) I am in a meeting, class, lecture, sermon, etc. and am uninterested in the topic of said meeting, class, lecture, sermon, etc.
2) When I'm waiting for something/someone and don't have anything to do while I'm waiting.
3) When I'm at a party or other social event and there's nothing to do/no one to talk with...and it's too soon to leave without being rude.
There are a variety of ways to cope with being bored in public. In high school, when I had nothing to do and didn't have any friends (aww), I'd sit all by myself and write the worst poetry ever written. I'd also sit around and ponder the potential lethality of peanut butter. I was emo before emo was cool...or before it even existed.
Being a writer has made it easy for me to have things to do when bored in public, provided I have a notebook, post-it note, clean napkin, used napkin, old receipt, program/bulletin to write on. In class, in meetings...in...church ... I've often become bored with whatever the speaker is saying, and I've used the time to work on writing ideas or poetry. I will say that USUALLY when I become bored in sermons, I TRY to write poetry or ideas that actually have to do with the sermon topic. ...Don't judge me...
I've also made a habit of staring at the carpet, at the chair in front of me, at the back of the person's head in front of me, at the ceiling...you know, whatever there is to look at. Then, I'd let my mind wander, though it really is too small to be outside by itself...
In middle school, the carpet in the auditorium where I waited for my bus had this really interesting pattern. This was back in the early 90s when those Magic Eye pictures were just so gosh-darn popular. I remember staring at the carpet trying to make magic eye pictures come out. While there were no pictures, you'd be surprised what you can make look 3-D by crossing your eyes in just the right way. I always had a gift, a GIFT, I tell you, for seeing those Magic Eye pictures. Unfortunately, like most of my gifts, it is completely useless.
The sanctuary...I mean...WORSHIP CENTER of the church I attended as a child has THE EXACT SAME kind of chandeliers as the Worship Center of the church I attend now. I know this because I spent a large portion of my childhood staring at the church's chandeliers. I stared at them, wondering why there were these little circular brass loops at the bottom of them. Was that just in case we decided to host a team of acrobats? I mean, I'm sure they could have lots of fun swinging from the little loops--the chandeliers would have made AWESOME trapezes.
I also imagined what would happen if these chandeliers ever fell from the ceiling. Morbid? Yes...but entertaining. I wondered if the deacons would all leap up and form a human barrier, protecting the other people from the falling lamps of death. Would they start shouting, "Everybody out! Pastors wives and children first!" Or would it be a free-for-all? Every man for himself! Seriously, I had like an elaborate escape plan all worked out in my mind, just in case the chandeliers started falling. Then I got Spiritual and started planning how I'd put the welfare of others before myself--I started planning how I would place myself under the falling chandeliers before they took out the youth minister. Of course, then, I had to be on constant alert, just in case one of the chandeliers began to fall.
They never did...but it could happen. You never know. ...WATCH THE CHANDELIERS...
If you're not as creative...or morbid...as I am, there's always the old standby. Play with your cell phone. It's not exactly ethical, but cell phones have opened whole new opportunities in public boredom entertainment. You can pretend to text someone. You can actually text someone. This is especially helpful if you're in a social situation (like a bad party) that involves boredom. If you're texting, then you don't have to make small talk. As you may have guessed, I've been in this situation more than once...
If you don't want to pretend to text, you can play with the phone calculator. Seriously...do you know how many things you can calculate? You can calculate how many minutes you've been alive. You can calculate how much sleep you've had in the past week. You can calculate the number of ways you can use a calculator to alleviate social boredom! The possibilities are nearly endless.
You can even calculate how long it will take to kill someone with peanut butter....
It's not a laughing matter at all. I work with kids. I know TONS of kids with peanut allergies severe enough to kill them. I know adults with the same problem. I'm related to adults who can't eat peanuts without needing immediate medical attention.
Me? Oh, I eat peanut butter on a weekly basis. Sometimes, if I've run out of money for groceries, I eat peanut butter on a daily basis. I'm quite fond of peanut butter. It's probably one of my favorite foods. You can combine it with chocolate. You can combine it with celery and raisins. You can put it in a sandwich or a cookie or a pie or cake...even the icing. My great grandmother even put it in ice cream--which was amazing. It works equally well with jelly, jam, bananas, AND honey. You can eat it with a spoon. George Washington Carver was a genius. Peanut Butter is like one of the most amazing and versatile foods in the world.
And it kills people.
In The DiVinci Code (which I only read because everyone said it was heresy), there was actually a dude murdered by peanut. Peanuts, in their raw, roasted, boiled, and butter form, are deadly. Like if you ever found a colony of people with peanut allergies and forced them to eat peanut butter, you would have peanuts as weapons of mass destruction. Have you ever just stopped to consider this--how a food that millions of people eat EVERY DAY means SUDDEN DEATH for other people?
I have. I have pondered it at length. It's one of the many things I ponder when I am faced with being bored in public.
Public boredom happens when:
1) I am in a meeting, class, lecture, sermon, etc. and am uninterested in the topic of said meeting, class, lecture, sermon, etc.
2) When I'm waiting for something/someone and don't have anything to do while I'm waiting.
3) When I'm at a party or other social event and there's nothing to do/no one to talk with...and it's too soon to leave without being rude.
There are a variety of ways to cope with being bored in public. In high school, when I had nothing to do and didn't have any friends (aww), I'd sit all by myself and write the worst poetry ever written. I'd also sit around and ponder the potential lethality of peanut butter. I was emo before emo was cool...or before it even existed.
Being a writer has made it easy for me to have things to do when bored in public, provided I have a notebook, post-it note, clean napkin, used napkin, old receipt, program/bulletin to write on. In class, in meetings...in...church ... I've often become bored with whatever the speaker is saying, and I've used the time to work on writing ideas or poetry. I will say that USUALLY when I become bored in sermons, I TRY to write poetry or ideas that actually have to do with the sermon topic. ...Don't judge me...
I've also made a habit of staring at the carpet, at the chair in front of me, at the back of the person's head in front of me, at the ceiling...you know, whatever there is to look at. Then, I'd let my mind wander, though it really is too small to be outside by itself...
In middle school, the carpet in the auditorium where I waited for my bus had this really interesting pattern. This was back in the early 90s when those Magic Eye pictures were just so gosh-darn popular. I remember staring at the carpet trying to make magic eye pictures come out. While there were no pictures, you'd be surprised what you can make look 3-D by crossing your eyes in just the right way. I always had a gift, a GIFT, I tell you, for seeing those Magic Eye pictures. Unfortunately, like most of my gifts, it is completely useless.
The sanctuary...I mean...WORSHIP CENTER of the church I attended as a child has THE EXACT SAME kind of chandeliers as the Worship Center of the church I attend now. I know this because I spent a large portion of my childhood staring at the church's chandeliers. I stared at them, wondering why there were these little circular brass loops at the bottom of them. Was that just in case we decided to host a team of acrobats? I mean, I'm sure they could have lots of fun swinging from the little loops--the chandeliers would have made AWESOME trapezes.
I also imagined what would happen if these chandeliers ever fell from the ceiling. Morbid? Yes...but entertaining. I wondered if the deacons would all leap up and form a human barrier, protecting the other people from the falling lamps of death. Would they start shouting, "Everybody out! Pastors wives and children first!" Or would it be a free-for-all? Every man for himself! Seriously, I had like an elaborate escape plan all worked out in my mind, just in case the chandeliers started falling. Then I got Spiritual and started planning how I'd put the welfare of others before myself--I started planning how I would place myself under the falling chandeliers before they took out the youth minister. Of course, then, I had to be on constant alert, just in case one of the chandeliers began to fall.
They never did...but it could happen. You never know. ...WATCH THE CHANDELIERS...
If you're not as creative...or morbid...as I am, there's always the old standby. Play with your cell phone. It's not exactly ethical, but cell phones have opened whole new opportunities in public boredom entertainment. You can pretend to text someone. You can actually text someone. This is especially helpful if you're in a social situation (like a bad party) that involves boredom. If you're texting, then you don't have to make small talk. As you may have guessed, I've been in this situation more than once...
If you don't want to pretend to text, you can play with the phone calculator. Seriously...do you know how many things you can calculate? You can calculate how many minutes you've been alive. You can calculate how much sleep you've had in the past week. You can calculate the number of ways you can use a calculator to alleviate social boredom! The possibilities are nearly endless.
You can even calculate how long it will take to kill someone with peanut butter....
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