SAA Ep. #64: Springing Forward!

The cellular phone is a curious device.  I believe its original purpose was to allow a person to have the capability of moving around from location to location while talking to a person in a completely different location.  Now cell phones are smarter than people (doesn't take much, when you really think about it), and now it seems that the main use of a cell phone is to play Angry Birds or check Facebook. 

I don't have a smart phone.  In fact, I'm pretty sure my phone rode the short bus.  Okay, so that was a bit unfair.  My phone isn't THAT dumb.  It has a small texting keypad and the capability of doing a lot of really interesting things that require a data plan, which I do not have.  It's not my phone's fault it's dumb; it was just never afforded the opportunities that other phones have had.  It's a product of its environment--meaning its owner is cheap.  ...and also scared of phones that are smarter than humans.

Well, since I am generally stupid and suspicious when it comes to technology, I usually don't trust my phone to update itself whenever Daylight Savings Time comes around.  However, my phone has never ceased to automatically update.  So, this year, I decided I'd take a leap of faith and trust my phone.  I set my wake up alarms (yes I have more than one--about 15 of them actually--I usually finally get out of bed around the time the 12th one goes off) for their usual times, and then I went to sleep.

My roommate also trusted her cell phone.  That's important to note.  It's also important to note that my roommate needed to be at church an hour earlier than I did this morning.

I was not awoken by my phone's alarm.  I was awoken to the sound of my roommate fake cussing and rushing around the apartment.  Her phone alarm had not gone off.  Neither had mine. 

So, lesson learned.  Don't trust technology.  Phone clocks don't always automatically update to time changes.  Phone alarms don't always go off.  ...And one day robots will enslave us and make us into human batteries. 

But my evil cell phone's plans to ruin my day were thwarted.  Due to the extraordinary amount of rushing noise my roommate was making, I was woken up with sufficient time to get ready and go to church. 

Even if I had been late for church, that would not be enough to make me hate Daylight Savings Time.  Some people are DST haters, and well, I will let them hate.  It does stink to lose an hour, especially when you have kids and stuff.  But here's the way I see it....

Every autumn, I get mild seasonal depression (That's self-diagnosed, fyi.  I was a psychology minor, so that makes me perfectly qualified to make diagnoses of mood disorders, right?).  When the weather gets colder and the days get shorter, I get mildly depressed--which includes physical EXHAUSTION.  On the other hand, when spring comes around, bringing warmer weather and brighter sunshine, I feel more energized.  So yeah, I will GLADLY give up one hour now if it means that I can have it back in the autumn.  And even though it stinks to lose an hour, the bright side is that I only have to push the "set hour" button once on all my digital clocks.

...in the autumn, it's kind of a pain in the butt to have to press that set hour button eleven times.  And of course, I always get too into it and overshoot, which means I have to push it another eleven times.  One day I might sprain my finger.

Stupid technology.

SAA Ep. #40: Talking to Machines

If Sci Fi movies are any indication, then we can expect for technology and machines to take over the world in the future. Maybe they already have. This could be the Matrix. I mean, right now you and I could be sitting in little pods filled with goo while machines feed off our energy. So maybe I'm not even writing a blog right now. ...I still expect you to read it.

I've watched/read a lot of Science Fiction...at least enough to know that HAL does not open the pod bay doors. So Science Fiction has taught us that we can't trust machines. But you and I really don't have to boldly go where no man/one has gone before or open up a good Arthur C. Clarke novel to realize that machines can't be trusted. Any college students with deadlines know that computers and printers always plot against us and break down when it's 7:55 a.m. and the paper students stayed all night typing needs to be printed and in the professor's hand at 8:00 a.m.

Technology is unpredictable. Machines were made to make our lives easier, but if they don't do what they're designed to do when we need them to do it, then they make our lives harder. And there's always this thought in the back of my mind that one day my laptop is going to develop a mind of its own and try to eat my brain. Sometimes after watching "I, Robot," I really just want to go live on a farm somewhere and churn butter and ride buggies and shun all technology and pretend I'm Amish. Only I don't think I'd look that cute in a bonnet. Being plain isn't really my thing... Wait.  Can Harrison Ford be there and drink a glass of lemonade like he did in "Witness"?  I wouldn't mind being Amish then. 

 What was I talking about?  Oh.  Technology.

Really, a socially awkward person, such as myself, can totally benefit from technology. When machines are everywhere, I don't have to talk to people as much (which is one of the main goals in the life of every socially awkward superhero).  Now, when I go to the bank. I don't have to go inside, stand in line with other people (some of whom smell inexplicably of pork and beans).  I don't have to speak to a teller who keeps checking to make sure I don't take one of the kids' lollipops they have up the counter.  No, no.  Now I can drive on up to the ATM, deposit my checks, get some cash, and go on my way without ever having to interact with a single human being. 

Same thing with the library.  I can go online, reserve a book, get an automated call from the library, go pick up my book and use a self-checker.  When I'm done with the book, I can toss it into the outside drive-thru bin.  I can have a complete library experience without ever having to talk to a human being.

Grocery store?  I can use a self-checkout.  Now, I have to admit that ten years ago, I had my first experience with one of these things.  Then I vowed that I would never use one again.  See, what happened was, the machine went crazy and started telling me to put things into my bag after I'd already put them in there, and then it kept trying to charge me for things I hadn't even bought.  So I got fed up with it and decided I was going to just give in and go to an actual checkout lane with an actual human person.  But the actual human person monitoring the self-checkout thing (who hadn't been paying attention when the machine went crazy) came over and accused me of trying to steal stuff. So I stepped back and let her ring up all my stuff in the self-checkout, which pretty much defeated the purpose of using a self-checkout.  And I declared that those things were evil and I would never use one again.  I've recanted that lately.  The self-checkout lane machines are not evil; they are simply misunderstood.  I think sometimes they do crazy stuff because they're bored.  I mean, really.  I'd be bored if I were a self-checkout machine.

I'm also very appreciative of companies that have automated services I can use when I have to call them.  I hate hate HATE talking to people on the phone about stuff.  "Customer Service Representatives are standing by" is one of the scariest phrases in the world to me.

Please don't get me wrong.  I like people (sometimes--maybe even usually).  I like talking to people (sometimes).  I also don't want machines to put people out of jobs.  But there's just something really nice to me about being able to go out into the world and do things without having to talk to strangers.  Maybe that makes me some kind of anti-social jerk, but at least I'm not a homicidal robot. 

...or am I...

?

Embarrablast From the Past Ep. #10: The Red Box Machine

Today, I had my second experience using a Red Box machine.  My roommate and I are making Easter a movie day, and I really wanted to watch "Tangled" with her.  So I got it from the Red Box machine (the fact that I'm calling it a "Red Box machine" should probably tell you something about how out of touch I am with dvd rental technology).  It makes me think of my first experience with a Red Box machine....

My friend had a dvd she wanted me to return for her.  She was like, "I don't get off work till 9, and this dvd is due back in the Red Box at 9 or I have to pay an extra dollar.  Can you take it by for me?"

I said, "Sure.  Which Red Box machine do I need to take it to?"

She looked at me kind of weird and said, "Um, it doesn't matter which one you return it to.  You can return them to any Red Box."

I said, "Oh."

And then I took the dvd and stopped off at a grocery store to drop it off.  I located the Red Box machine and went to put the dvd in.  It wouldn't go in.  I pushed and pushed and turned it every different direction I could turn it, and I couldn't get that blasted dvd to go back into the Red Box machine.  I was too embarrassed to ask for help, and even then, everyone seemed busy.  Only they were probably watching me...and laughing...silently. 

Of course, I think everyone is watching me.  STOP IT!

So I went back out to my car and called my friend.  "The dvd wouldn't go back in the machine.  I couldn't get it in the slot!"

She said, "Did you press the "Return dvd" button?"

Awkward silence.  Then me, meekly.  "No."

I hung my head, went back into the store, walked by all the people who had just witnessed my epic battle with the Red Box machine, relocated the Red Box machine, and pressed the "Return dvd" button. 

The dvd went in the slot.

The end.