The back story on this is that I was tremendously unpopular for, oh, let's just say 20 years. It may have even been longer than that, but it doesn't really matter. If you went to public school, then you probably remember reading graffiti on desks or in the used textbooks. Sometimes, to tease their friends, people would write things like, "Joe loves *insert tremendously unpopular person's name here*." Usually Joe tried to scribble it out, but for some reason that sort of graffiti could never completely erased. I'm sure somewhere in some condemned basement, there still lies a tattered math book with the words, "
Kids are mean. They pick on other kids to make themselves look cooler. But you know what, I can't pass judgment, because I did the same sorts of things in failed attempts to raise my own pathetic social status. I'm not proud of it, but it's the truth.
The few friends I did have were usually weird and unpopular, too. I mean, there were a lot of popular people pitied me and were nice to me. There were even a few popular people that genuinely liked me (and I've always been able to tell the difference--it's a gift...and a curse). And really, while I know that the popular crowd almost ALWAYS starts the seemingly never ending battle of the popular crowd vs. the unpopular crowd, I have to take blame for my own actions and attitudes. Because I didn't make myself more likable by being the arrogant snob I was in high school. The whole "You think you're better than me? Well guess what? I'M better than YOU" attitude that I had was really immature and stupid. It was a mask I wore to protect myself from the pain of being disliked.
So it wasn't until I was almost in my early-to-mid-twenties before I realized something. I wasn't unpopular anymore. I had found an amazing group of friends (that just kept growing, and growing, and growing) at the second college I attended. While I didn't believe any of my friends were only my friends out of pity, I just couldn't quite believe that people actually liked me for who I was. I'd gotten used to being the weird socially awkward nerd that nobody liked.
I was still a weird socially awkward nerd. It's just that people liked me...not in spite of my weird socially awkward nerdiness, but BECAUSE of it. Because apparently that's just who I am. And I like it. And other people do, too. In my experience, when you become an adult, it's suddenly COOL to be a nerd.
I remember distinctly the day it all came together. I was talking to my best friend at the time. I like to ramble, so I was rambling. And I was going on and on about how weird it was that I had friends. Finally, my friend stopped me and said, "Ruth. People like you. Get over it."
I don't know if I've gotten over it, but I've accepted it. People like me. I have been blessed with so many friends. It's more a grace thing than something I deserve. And I know that for other people, it's also a grace thing. We're all weird and wacky and unlovable (when you really get down to it), but that's where grace comes in. And I'm just thankful for the LARGE community of friends that God has given me. None of us are perfect. Grace is still needed. But WOW it's just such a gift to be able to love and be loved. I've got more friends than I can even begin to count. No, no. I haven't gotten over it yet.
But I have accepted it. I consider that acceptance of being liked a crucial part of my growing up experience.
And so I guess my question to you is...can you relate? Have you ever found it odd that people like you? Have you ever had a time when you accepted it? Are you still struggling with accepting it? Or do you even feel like people like you at all? Do you feel like people CAN like you? Is there anything else you can think of that might relate to this blog that you want to share? I kind of want to hear other stories here...so if you have ANYTHING to share, please comment!
