SSA Ep. #16: Walking in Crowds

When I was, I don't know, about 8 or 9, I went to an amusement park with a small chaperoned group. All was going well until the heavens opened up and it started pouring down rain. The leader of our little group was really nice and bought all of us these bright orange ponchos from one of the gift shops so we wouldn't get drenched. The problem was, EVERYONE in the whole park also decided to purchase the ponchos from the amusement park gift shops. These ponchos only came in one retina-burning shade: caution sign orange.

While the amusement park made a killing in poncho sales that day, everyone ended up looking like tall, dripping oompa loompas. And whilst walking with my companions, this gigantor of an oompa loompa walked right in front of me, separating me from my group. Several others followed him. Perhaps only five or six people pushed past me, but it was enough to separate me from my group by several paces.

In normal circumstances, I could have simply looked around until I saw the people I knew, then I could jog to catch up with them. However, since everyone looked like giant mobile traffic cones (that makes me want to watch Toy Story 2), I couldn't tell which group was mine. This resulted in my wandering around in circles, crying to myself, until two nice teenage girls saw me and took me to the Lost and Found. Apparently, they have those for people too.

So the story has a happy ending. I got to sit inside a nice warm building, drinking hot cocoa, watching Yogi Bear on tv until my anxious group leader came to claim me. By the time she did, the sun was out again, and I was ready to hit the rides.

But ever since then, I have been extremely wary when walking in groups. If I'm walking in a group of friends or family members, I do NOT like being separated from them.

'That's ridiculous!' I hear you say! 'You're a grown up' I hear you say! Or maybe you're not saying anything, and I'm just hearing voices...again...

I know, I know. If I got separated from a group today, I could easily just call/text one of my friends and figure out where they were. I could totally handle the situation like a grown up. No big deal at all. It's just that I kind of really like the security of being in a group, especially when there are crowds.

Don't get me wrong here. I'm the sort of person who enjoys going out by herself. I can have fun in a crowded movie theater even if I didn't come with anyone else. But if I happen to be with someone, I want to know where they are...just in case.

I'm really not sure to what the "just in case" might apply.

They say there is safety in numbers, and I have to say, I agree. I mean, there are a variety of ways that walking in a group has its advantages. For instance, walking in a group is a great way to avoid suckerization. Walking in a group makes it harder for you to get mugged or something. Walking in a group can prevent you from getting trampled on by another group.

And if I were walking in a group, I'd have someone to trip, you know, just in case zombies attacked. They can't have my brains! I'm writing books!

The trouble is, there aren't really any written courtesy rules to follow when walking in groups. I noticed this while recently attending a live show with my good friends Stefanie and Laura. We entered the theater and Laura walked on ahead. I was about to push my way through the crowd to stay with her, but Stefanie held back and let other people walk ahead. That was nice of Stefanie. I thought, "Now why can't I be nice like Stefanie and let people walk ahead instead of being so bound and determined to stay with the group?" But then I thought, "Oh yeah, because Stefanie is awesome and not remotely socially awkward. I mean, for crying out loud, she doesn't even have door issues!" And then I continued to push my way through the crowd like someone had just started giving away free bacon.

It's times like those that I need my own personal Fezzik from "The Princess Bride" to shout "EVERYBODY MOVE!" The crowds would part and I could move about at my leisure. But then, if I had my own personal Fezzik, a lot of life's problems would be solved. He's strong. He's big. He's...good at rhyming. Hmm...where can I get a Fezzik?

I wonder what Fezzik would look like in an orange poncho, shouting, "I AM THE DWEAD PIWATE WOBERTS! THERE WILL BE NO SUWVIVORS! ALL YOUWALLS NIGHTMARES AWE ABOUT TO COME TWUE!"

I think I forgot what I was writing about.