SAA Ep. #39: Crossing the Street

I don't like crossing the street.

I don't live in a big city.  I don't know what I would do if I lived in a big city.  I'd probably sit in a dark corner and cry a lot.  ...and not just because I don't like crossing the street, but honestly, that has a lot to do with it.

When I go out jogging, I see a lot of people run up one side of the street, cross, and run down the other side of the street.  I don't do that.  When I reach the end of the sidewalk, I turn on my heel and run back down the same stretch of sidewalk.  Why?  Because I don't like that awkward moment of waiting to see what all the cars are going to do.  Are they going to stop for me or pretend they don't see me and speed on by?  Should I just bolt out in front of them, hoping they have good driving manners and/or brakes?  Should I hesitate and jog in place while waiting for them to make up their mind about whether or not they're going to stop?  What if there are two (or three) cars coming from separate directions?  What if one of them wants to stop and let me pass, but the others don't?  That means that one driver will have to wait for no reason and will have wasted a few seconds of his life, and all because he was trying to be nice to me.

I can't live with that kind of guilt.

So I don't cross the street unless I absolutely have to.

There's one particular intersection in the small town where I live that I avoid like the plague.  I'm not a big pedestrian, but it just so happens that my mechanic is right there near that intersection.  I sometimes leave my car there and walk up the street to a coffee shop to wait.   That often means I have to cross the street. 

Now, this intersection has those "WALK/DON'T WALK" lights, but I'm pretty sure they're only there to impress the tourists.  I've tried using them, but they don't seem to work.  When I use them, I almost always almost die while drivers honk their horns and scream obscenities at me (because apparently they have never heard that pedestrians have the right of way).  While I do always *try* pushing the button to see if it will help me out, I've found that a much better method of crossing this particular intersection is simply to look in every direction at the same time, wait until it seems that there are no cars coming from any direction (this sometimes can take several minutes), and then run like fire across the intersection, all the while praying that the traffic gods will be merciful. 

I hate, I repeat, HATE crossing the street. 

And from what I've seen, other people hate it, too.  I spend more time as a driver than as a pedestrian.  I frequent that same intersection as a driver.  Do you know what I see?  I see people standing at the crosswalk light, pressing the button.  Then they look in every direction at the same time.  Then they run like fire across the intersection. 

All except the newbies. 

The street crossing newbies are far more hesitant.  They follow the instructions of the deceptive "WALK" lights that inform them they have 12 seconds to safely cross.  Then they realize that a mud-covered pick-up truck with a ginormous Confederate Flag plastered on the back window is taking that unforeseen left turn pretty fast--too fast to avoid hitting them.  So they hesitate.  They turn back and retreat for the sidewalk, just in time to hear the obscenities fly and the horn beep out "Oh, I wish I was in the land of cotton...."

Good times.

Yeah.  So maybe it makes me a three-year-old, but I don't like crossing the street by myself.  But then again, being a three-year-old has it's perks.  Does this mean I can have nap time again?

SSA: Ep. #24: Exercising Patience

If you've read any of my previous blogs, you might have caught on to the fact that I don't always play well with others. I think this is one of the reasons I got picked last (or next to last--there was that kid who smelled like cabbage) for all organized games. Also, I was probably picked last because I pretty much suck at sports.

Maybe this is why I'm one of those people who likes to exercise solo. I'm not one of those team sports sort of people. I'm not one of those group walking people. I'm not going to tell you which kind of person I am...because I already told you, and I repeat myself too much as it is.

The only exception to my rule of not liking to exercise with others is when I'm walking in some kind of event--like a 5k. Then, the more the merrier. We're walking for a cause and the togetherness is actually pretty cool. But exercising in general? I want to do it all by myself, Mommy.

Some people are the type that get a lot of encouragement or whatever in walking or jogging with others. I don't understand this. I guess it's nice to have a buddy to hold you accountable or make you feel safe. Other than that, I just really can't think of an upside.

Perhaps there are those who want someone with them so they won't be alone. They want someone to talk with. Okay, but when I'm exercising, I'm usually out of breath. Talking isn't the easiest of activities. I don't really like having to converse between gasps. Also, I kind of like having a good hour or whatever to myself to just think. Usually, my thought processes involve conversations with myself about why I would be a gurlymahn if I didn't keep running another few feet, but still...


I have these ridiculously short legs, too. So it takes me more energy than a long legged person to move my legs. My stride takes two steps for a normal-lengthed-leg person to take one step. So I'm always feeling like my pace is too slow for the other person's. Either that, or I end up walking with someone who doesn't get the concept that I'm walking for exercise. They stroll. I don't like strollers...except for the ones that hold cute kids. Cute kids are awesome.


And I actually DO like walking for exercise while pushing a stroller with a cute kid, but I don't get as many opportunities as I'd like...anyone wanna hire me to push their kid in a stroller? I'm game.



Another thing I really don't like when exercising is interruptions. This is why I don't cross any main intersections while walking or jogging. I don't want to wait for traffic. (Also, I really just HATE crossing the street when there's a lot of traffic. I couldn't handle living in New York. I walk out of my way to avoid busy intersections if at all possible....I may eventually write a blog about my fear of crossing the street). I am fortunate enough to live right next to this beautiful stretch of road with all these old historic houses and such. It's a fantastic place to walk/jog. I am sure that both sides of the street are equally beautiful, but I've only spent a great deal of time on one of them. I run up the sidewalk, and instead of crossing the street, I turn around and run back down the same sidewalk. Usually, this isn't a problem, but I've accidentally almost ran into some other runners. The "oh, we're about to run into each other, so both of us better move out of the way at the same time and in the same direction dance" is even more awkward when you and the other runner are moving really fast.


And I'm not sure if I can say "other runner" because I'm only "a runner" in the technical sense. Sometimes I run. Therefore I am a runner. I can barely run a mile (and sometimes I don't even get that far) without stopping to walk. My running is an odd combination of walking, jogging, and running. So I guess I'm more of a waljogner.


Crossing the road is not the only interruption I've encountered. At least once a week, I run into (almost literally) the crowd of teenagers that doesn't seem to understand that they don't own the sidewalk. I've learned not to expect them to move. I just run around them now, and usually they act like I'm not even there. Maybe I'm invisible to teenagers. Shrug.



Another time, back when I was in college, I had these two Jehovah's Witnesses stop me while I was walking. Dude. I don't care who you are or what your business is. I don't care if it's broad daylight and in a nice neighborhood. It is NEVER okay for two men to approach a lady on the street when she is alone. Maybe if I were a better Christian or something, I would have tried to them about what I believe about Jesus and the Bible, but all I said to them was, "Um, I'm actually trying to exercise here...." And I kept walking. They didn't follow me.



Just to redeem myself a little, I would like to point out that the other day, I actually interrupted myself. There was this elderly lady walking a St. Bernard. Yeah. Not a good combination. Another dog barked, the St. Bernard was startled, and the St. Bernard started dragging the lady down the street. She regained control after getting really shaken up, but I stopped to make sure she was okay. The dog looked up at me, and I realized it thought it was a puppy. That was the biggest puppy I've ever seen, and I told him so. And he drooled, cuz that's what St. Bernards do.


Yeah. I kind of have my own way of exercising, and it's apparently working for me. I'm sure I'd benefit more from a personal trainer or whatever, but I've lost almost 20 pounds since January--and I have lost almost 50 pounds since I decided I was going to lose weight the first time. I'm skinnier than I was when I was a teenager. Which leads me to wonder why there are some people out there who still feel the need to give me diet and exercise advice. Or people try to sell me a gym membership. The reason I bought a used ellpitical (named Jerkface) was so I wouldn't have to go pay to use someone else's elliptical while other people were ellipitcalling all around me. Oh well. I've learned to nod and smile a lot.




Nodding and smiling probably burns a few calories, so I shouldn't complain.